Please go to my new blog site. Please update links on your site to include my new blog.

www.homefront.blogspot.com

Folks, my time at WordPress has been wonderful, but with the insanely great and much longed for enhancements over at blogger, I am back to my old blog addrress.

My blog name remains “Fajita’s Blog”

The address is www.homefront.blogspot.com.

For the faithful, this is the address of my original blog born back in Jun of 2004.

Labels, easy links, and tons of other features are now easy with blogger (blogspot). I’m back to the one who got me loving blogging in the first place.

Good-bye WordPress.

Latino baby boom latest twist in the redistribution of New Orleans demography.

Click here to read NY Time article.

If you are mission minded, then do yourself a favor and read this post and then act on it. Below is a brief paragraph or two from my buddy, Mark, over at the Kibo Group.

I’m about to help you out here with an amazing idea for your
Christmas shopping.  You know that nagging problem of what to get for the person who has everything?  Well, this should solve that one.  I bet they don’t have their very own tree in Uganda.   Click on the link below and you can buy one, get a cool Christmas card you can plant (yes, a card you can plant when you are done) and it will grow flowers (no kidding) and you get an ornament that will have a number on it marking the GPS coordinates of your tree in Uganda.  (Better click on the link below if you want it to make sense.) The Kibo Group
is a non-profit that I run along with a friend named Clint Davis.

You can read about Kibo at our website www.kibogroup.org.  We make no money off this, (Kibo has no salaries for stateside employees)…the money goes to plant trees.  Check it out… its a pretty unique gift idea and it really can make the world better.
Merry Christmas!

http://www.kibogroup.org/mvuleproject.html

Trust is quite a powerful relational dynamic. Having it exist mutually between two people is can be magic. When trust combines with a depth of self-disclosure, then there is even more power. Respect grows. In fact, when mutual trust rises, so do many relational quality indicators.

And yet, the stronger trust becomes, the more vulnerable the relationship becomes. How ironic. The trust paradox demands that the relationship become stronger by way of exposing weakness.

Now, don’t get me wrong, vulnerability is not weakness. I define it as the extent to which a person could be hurt by another. It is the extent to which a person reveals his or her softest spots. It is a willingness to be unprotected in the presence of another.

Jesus was no weakling, but he made himself vulnerable to humans. He entered into human life largely unprotected. He trusted humans beyond their capacity to be trusted and such trust might be considered foolish. However, what we find is that trusting people, even in betrayal, was a sign of strength, not wekaness. He paid the price, but overcame the price.

As Jesus entered this world unprotected, Christians who celebrate Christimas might think about Christmas as a willingness of God to enter into humanity largely unprotected. Jesus, knowing that entering into danger unarmed was worth it, Christiasn might take this Christmas story adn do the same.

Erwin McManus has been known to say that when Christians talk about entering into the center of God’s will being the safest place on earth, they are exactly wrong. Entering into the center of God’s will might be the most dangerous place in the world.

In order to be strong, we must become vulnerable.

If you take a gander to te left, you will see a new blog listed under the “Other blogs by fajita” section.

What is new there is a blog I just launched called, “Smart Single Parents.”

I want this blog to serve single parents in much the same way my Smart Stepfamilies Blog serves people in stepfamilies. So, if you are a single parent or you know a single parent who wants a place to go for advice, connection to resources, and conversation, sned them to the Smart Single Parents blog.

There is a church in the midwest falling apart. It is not a church I attend, but I have inside knowledge of it. As I am not part of the church, I may be speaking out of line, but I want to share this situation as an example of something.

Denominational allegiance is no reason for people to gather together and exist as a congregation. It is a very weak association. It is so weak, in fact, that only under the right conditions can it exist and be healthy – and even that is questionable.

When challenges arise, denominational correctness is not going to save a church that is going under. Although it is tempting to believe that our doctrinal agreement is enough to keep us unified, it is not. Doctrinal agreement, or the willing belief in its illusion, cannot withstand the encroachment of being busy, geographic distance, weak leadership,  or attrition.

What will hold a church together is not doctrinal agreement or doctrinal correntness, but rather it is the mission the church is on. When a church is doing someting that matters to God and people, then it has something of value.

A dead and dying church tends to infect its member with its affliction, not the other way around. Without mission the church dies. Period. It might appear to be living, but it appears to be full of life like a person with an unknown and deadly cancer that lies under the skin. Death is groing and it is only a metter of time before it reveals its devastating presence. 

This post is a call for people of faith to get on mission. Do something. Organize in small clusters around a cause. Meet together to pursue that cause.

African orphans, the environment, healthy living, immigration, homelessness etc. 

Meet together, write blogs, develop action steps for your group, develop action steps for people to join the mission of your group, devote resrources (time, money, voice) to the cause, promote the cause through media.

Invent ways of doing good. This is what Jesus did and he did it with other people. Some of the people he did good with didn’t even understand who he was or why he was doing the good, not at first anyway.

Malcolm Gladwell has a thoughtful piece on racism. It’s worth a read.

My bogger friends, if any of you are in stepfamilies, then take a gander over at my stepfamilies blog. I don’t mention it a whole let here, but I do have this other world in which I write and have guest writers (hint hint, got a story for me?).

Or, if you know anyone who is in a stepfamily and might want to add a blog visit to their stepparenting efforts, send them my way: http://smartstepfamilies.blogspot.com

The first semester of doctoral studies has been harder than I thought it would be. I have fluctuated between “This rocks!” and “How can I get out of here?” Usually there is no more than 24 hours between these emotional extremes. I feel great when I have had a success or believe I know what I am doing. I feel terrible when I am not prepared for a meeting or class.

Behind is a feeling that is quite common in doctoral studies. From what I hear, that feeling never goes away, but I will apparently get better at managing my emotions and my time.

Anyway, today I needed something. I needed a boost – and I got one.

So today, I got a much needed boost from two students who are working on their dissertations. They soothed my struggle with comforting words and 30 minutes of their undivided attention. Can I tell you how much value there is in 30 minutes for a doctoral student? Thanks to you two who gave your time to me.

Teaching could be considered to be the art and science of knowledge and skill transfer. It is really an interesting thing to consider that knowledge or an ability could expand from one person to another. I am of the belief that the relationship between the student and the teacher is the best (or worst) means by which this transfer happens.

 This is not to say a teacher with natural relationship skills can skate by or that a teacher with challenged relational skills can’t teach anyone. No, what i am saying is that the teacher’s teaching strategy is himself or herself. The teacher’s use of self is going to be the most real thing the students ever get.

Sure, technology is important and I believe becoming an essential part of the teaching process, but the reason that there is no replacement for a good teacher is that the internet does not care about students. The internet cannot connect with students on an emotional level. Yes, there are certain emotions various sites or programs that can be run on the internet can touch, but evoking an emotion and connecting emotionally in a relationship are apples and oranges. The internet will not remember that emotion, a good teacher will.

Technology cannot invest in a student. Only teacher’s can do that. Technology is a tool, a relationship is a generative and developing process of social integration that contains the kind of depth that can generate security, confidence, and trust.

One way in which the teacher uses himself or herself best is by de-centering a little from the roel of container fo all knowledge. Yes, the teacher needs to sort of be the expert on the subject, but he or she does not need to be uthoritarian with that status. In fact sheeding the status without shedding the knowledge or skill is critical for good teaching. When the teacher enters the learning process as not only a teacher, but a teacher who still has something to learn, then the student can feel confident that we are doing this thing, this learning thing, together. It resolves some feeligs of knowledge and skill isolation and inferiority.

Granted, some course content lends itself to expert and novice roles, but much or it does not. And even in those cases when it does, the kind of comfort a good teacher can give to a student through connection is crucial.

Teachers who have found their teaching voice know that they can speak it fluently and are eager to develop it in depth and breadth. And when the teacher speaks in his or her own voice, it is more likely that the students will make sense of it. However, when the teacher is trying to speak in someone else’s voice, something is lost in translation.

Any teachers or students out there want to chime in?

A Call For The End of Feminism

It’s time. Feminism has had a good run of it and has made its mark on history. Nice work; applause all around. But the time has come when the term has simply run its course. Anymore and it runs the risk overplaying its hand, if it has not done so already. So, this essay is a call for the end of feminism. The rationale for such a call, especially at this time, takes into consideration the historical and contemporary context of feminism and the prospects of the future as context as well.

Feminism was started by women. Although this fact might shock many, the term itself, feminism, indicates a gendered leaning to the thinking associated with the term. Of course there is nothing wrong with a leaning or even a biasT that is not the problem with feminism. The problem is that even though it began by women, about women, and for women, the scope of the movement has transcended itself and is so pervasive beyond gender that the need to hold on to the label seems almost laughable.

Feminism has found such success throughout so many of the sciences and has mainstreamed so well with the philosophical shift from modernism to postmodernism that the name itself betrays the essence of what it is. Feminism is a movement to include more than just men in whatever conversation is going on. That is terrific. Women have been second class forever and need not be anymore. However, in order to keep the term feminism relevant, it requires women to be subservient to men. What I mean by that (as I am ducking and dodging some pretty terrific rhetoric) is that once women have enough power that they no longer are a power minority, then the term feminism is no longer inclusive. To be a power minority and a feminist is fine, but once enough power or most power is assumed, then it is tyrrancical. It is in turn exclusive in out-grouping men. The philosophy and theories might not be exclusive, but the term itself is. It is hopelessly gendered. Gender-bias plus power creates the exact opposite effect that feminism was intended to create in the first place.  

Furthermore, there are many men who would and already do in many ways live by and employ the beliefs espoused by feminism, but would not be caught dead being called a feminist. Why? Maybe it’s homophobia and maybe it’s misogyny, fine, there’s a few men who fall into those categories. But I think most men are more practical than that. They are not women. Period. End of discussion. How can a man be a feminist? The very fact such a question can be asked and would have to take a super long time to answer for the average man means that the term is poorly suited toward inclusion. A movement meant to include people should not have a label that immediately appears to exclude half of the people who exist.

Feminism is a victim of its own success. It makes so much sense and serves more people better than many other philosophies and theories that its limiting name needs an overhaul. I think it deserves its place in history and should always be referred to historically as feminism. But I think that a new name should come in and help to accelerate the advancement of the ideas, values, and principles that already exist under the name feminism. Perhaps one day people will say something like this: “de-centering theory, with its roots in feminism, actively deconstructs centers of power toward the end of a better global good…” or something like that.

OK, I have more to say, but I think that the point is clear. The theories and philosophies are good, but the name is a relic.

What do you think?

The average household in America will spend nearly $800 on Christmas gifts this year. Now, I know that readers of my blog are not influenced by the rampant consumerism the rest of America and much of the industrialized world is, but I do know that you will buy or make presents for the people you love.

At the same time, there are millions of people who would love to have a goat for Christmas because they need the milk. Christmas means nothing to millions of people in terms of gifts because poverty is so pervasive. So, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make the effort to use some of your $800 Christmas allotment toward the end of helping people who have nothing.

Here are some great Christmas gift ideas for various price ranges:

For $14 you could buy a wheel chair.

For $32 you could buy educational support for one child.

For $75 you could buy a goat.

And for you super thrifty shoppers who like to get real bang for the buck, there is this:

For $25 you can get $300 worth of necessities for a child.

If you got a lot of extra cash, click here for donkey, here for pig, or here for oxen and plow.

AND, if you are a MONEY IS NO OBJECT kind of person, buy a school or health clinic.

Click here to read the BBC article.

I think we all know Thanksgiving to be an American holiday. It is also perhaps one of our purist holidays as well. Although it serves as the launching pad for the consumer-obsessed Christmas holiday, Thanksgiving itself is not overly commercial.

But is it religious in nature? Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick’s Day, and even Valentine’s Day have their origins in Christianity. Chanukah and Ramadan are religious as well. Kwanzaa is not itself born of a certain religion, however, faith is one of its main principles. One would argue if there is no faith there is no Kwanzaa.

Non religiouis holidays like Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Veteran’s Day clearly have their roots in American nationalism, patriotism, and so forth. We could throw Labor Day in ther as well. MLK Day is unique in that it is a civil rights holidays, but the very figure of the holiday was a pastor. So, MLK Day is and is not religious.

But what about Thanksgiving? We know it is American, but is it religious?

Jeff Arnett studies what is called emerging adulthood, the age group from 18-25 who are mostly single and getting educated in college. Arnett’s study on emerging adult and religious beliefs is interesting, but not exactly shocking.

In short, emerging adults are not likely to swallow whole their parent’s religion. Furthermore, their is a sort of religious integration (syncretism) going on with this crew. They might be Christian, but that doesn’t keep some of them from believing in reincarnation and other eastern religious beliefs. They are not likely to have a strong or any allegiance worth noting to denominations and institutions (Mormons are going to be an exception here).

Interestingly enough, though, even though their religious practice on a corporate level is low, they do maintain that they are in some ways connected and still religious. So, they have not lost their religion so much as they have set it aside, perhaps in order to accomplish some other tasks – graduating from college and getting married.

Arnett’s study shows a big difference between married and non-married emerging adults. When the tasks of college graduation and marriage (having kids might be thrown in there) are accomplished, then religion seems to reappear from the back burner. However, it’s not the old time religion they are returning to, but rather a more losely affiliated and individualized religion. In fact, their personal religious faith and their corporate religious participation may be very different and at the same time pose no sense of dissonance. In a sense, they are a congregation of one.

Let this inform ministers and parents alike. There are powerful factors acting on the religious faith of adolescents who are moving into adulthood – and it’s not necesssarily that they are going to Hell in a handbasket. They are accomplishing some tasks required by our society. At the same time, the coherence of their faith is strained in many regards.

It could be that these emerigng churches who seem to do well with ambiguity and exploration might be a good home for these emerging adults. Comments?

The Republicans got a beating a couple weeks ago. The Democrats took over congress. Americans voted against Bush, I think that it is clear. As happy as Democrats are with the election results, they are in real trouble now.

Why? Well, I think they had more power when they had no power. Huh? The only energy they have is “not Bush.” That can get you an election, but only one. When they had no power, they could gripe relentlessly about it and no one cares if they don’t get anything done because they have no power.

Well, now that they have power they had better produce something. Thing is, it is no real accomplishment to prove that you are not Bush. If Dems are a one trick pony and that trick is the not Bush trick, they are going to have a real hard 2 years as a pointless majority.

I hope the Democrats come up with something so attractive that the people who voted for them will be glad they did. They have already gotten all of the “not Bush” mileage they can get. From this point out, they need to have some actual ideas. What they risk is generalized voter discontent. If the voters see notihng from dems, they won’t stick with them.

The temptation for dems is going to be to go back to what dems have done in the past. Voters didn’t for for what Democrats have done in the past, they voted for “not Bush.” The dems must be innovative, creative, and intriguing. If they are not, if they are viewed as the old democrats, they will lose big in 2008 because Bush is gone no matter what. They’ve 2 years to work wonders. If they haven’t fixed anything in 2 years, they’re done. 2 years is no a long time to fix anything.

Well, that is probably all I am going to say about politics for the next two years.

The transition to doctoral studies has been more challenging than I first believed it would be. As of yet, I do not believe that real me has been allowed to come out. What I mean by that is that I have been surviving and scoping the territory.

It takes a lot of energy to make a transition. It takes a lot more energy to make a transition with a family with young children. There are housing issues, schooling issues, the making of new friends, finding a decent grocery store, auto mechanic, and where is the free wi-fi (Panera and Breuggers)? So, with these and a million other changes, survival is the name of the game.

Secondly, I have to be comfortable with my surroundings in order for the very best of me to emerge. This has always been the case. The faster I can “own” my area the faster the very best of me will be allowed to walk that turf. If I cannot get my grip, then I function, but do not take the kind of necessary risks that are needed. I go into safe mode. Safe mode never works. Why? It’s not genuine or authentic. It gets me by, but over the long haul, it’s no good. It’s not creative, innovative, or intuitive.

The best of me takes risks, fails forward, creates, and is pretty darn funny. The best of me is not all too concerned about impressing anyone because that will happen or it won’t. The self-protective me is in many ways the opposite of my true me.

So, I hereby declare that it is time for me to be unleashed upon my new environment. I have been here long enough and I need to give this place a taste of who I really am.

Now, if I can just find a way to bust out of this cocoon.

When religious people are so cock sure their religion makes them immune from, well, just about anything, they set themselves up for personal disappointment and public disgrace. Furthermore, they set up a situation of spiritual perfectionism whereby dishonesty becomes a necessary ingredient in order to perpetuate the notion of spiritual immunity. When a kind of spiritual immunity is communicated or asserted, then the discrediting that goes on when someone screws up (Haggard) is huge. When religion is oversold, it is always bad – eventually.

As a Christian, I really need to watch out for this. Why? The history of my religion has some dark spots. I have some dark spots. For all of the good Christianity has done over the years, the advancements in literacy, education, health – there is no need to to oversell. In fact, there is no need to sell anything. Just be.

Many Christian groups progamatize and institutionalize certain promises into consumables toward the end of immunity against depression, poverty, stress, weight loss, discontent, immunity to sin, thisthatandtheotherthing. Yes, healthy religious and spiritual life can bring a lot of good things, but are these things what Christianity is all about?

What about self-transcedance? What about self-confrontation? What about sacrifice? What about the discipline of finding the pathways of joy through giving oneself away? What about humility?

Religion is not about immnuity. It is not about being the strongest. It is not about being the best. It is not about market share and beating out the other religions.

My father was known to say, “You couldn’t find you butt with both hands.” It was his description of someone (me) who was having a hard time figuring out what was going on in his context.

I am in doctoral studies – first semester. The speed of education at the doctoral level is lightning. I feel like I have been playing catch up for 2.5 months. At the same time, I love it.

I read a blog of a colleague of mine which mentioned that a PhD is a steward of his or her discipline. It gave me a thoughtful pause. There is a sense of responsibility in stewardship that goes beyond mere survival. In a sense, my field is counting on me to do well. Why? Because the field, even if in a small sense, is in my hands.  

Now, to you. What are you a steward of? What is counting on you to do well? Job? Family? Church? Clients?

Thinking about being a steward of something other than possessions and money is wonderful way to conceptualize responsibility. It requires effort, humility, and innovation. I can’t afford not to find my butt with both hands.

NCFR is the National Council on Family Relations. I am a member. Here is what I am learning at the national conference in Minnesapolis:

1. Some research has shown that group treatment for teens with anti-social behavior is not only not effective, but is detrimental. Family therapy, however, had shown to be effective.

2. The long term effects of some individual treatments are not effective (some harmful) while family treatments are effective.

3. Spiritual development of children and teens is now being seriously investigated. Click here.

4. There are lots of professors and students with deeply held religious views who work at and attend state universities.

5. Organized religion is to spiritual development what public education is to cognitive development. Follow me here. Even if a child did not go to school, that child would develop in the cognitive realm. There would be intelligence and it would develop, but not within an organized educational context. Similarly, with or without organized religion, a child and a person would develop spiritually. The organized structure gives stucture for the expression of faith.

It appears that the intersection of spiritual development and organized religion can either nurture healthy spiritual development or it can damage, inhibit, or distort healthy spiritual development.

I voted today. I was number 87 in my precint. I have a little red sticker on the sweatshirt I am wearing that say “I voted.”

I get excited every election year, especially larger elections. On election days, it makes me want to run for office and win. The actual job of a politician sounds lousy, but winning an election would be fun.

I voted. Whata statement. I was not coerced. I was not tricked (that I know of). I was allowed to vote freely and in privacy. My vote matters and therefore I matter. Not that I gain some kind of existential relevance from voting – I do not rely on it for my life to have meaning. On the other hand, the fact that my counrty, state, county, and city vlaue me I get to vote. I matter as much as anyone esle.

Voting is what makes a democracy better than other forms of government. Perfect? Ha! Nope. Just better.  

Vote. Go out there and vote.

I realize that I approach a topic that is white hot in religious and political circles. It’s election day for pete’s sake and here I am picking a hot topic. But I need some help. You see, I don’t know if I have gotten smarter or dumber on the topic of homosexuality. I am going to ask a bunch of questions and bring out some hypotheticals based on the Ted Haggard scandal. I apologize ahead of time for offending anyone (everyone) with my questions. Some will wonder why I don’t have this figured out in  one way (you’re a Christian aren’t you?) while others will wonder why I don’t have this figured out in another way (you’re a family scientist, aren’t you?) Well, I am both and I am also willing to take the positon of not knowing. I know what the Bible says and I know what some of the scientific literature says. Feel free to air your comments to this post.

It used to be so clear and easy. There was straight and there was gay. They were opposites and that was it. One was right (straight) and one was wrong (gay). Gay people, as was my understanding, sought out intentionally to rebel against God and used homosexuality as their means by which to do it. Certainly there are many ways to rebel against God, but if someone used homosexuality as their means to show God their contempt, then that person had chosen the worst of all blasphemies. I really used to believe that once upon a time. And sadly, the fact that I do not hold that view now places me out of favor with some. That’s OK, I still love you.

The black and white, either/or thinking no longer works for me, nor does the strict moralizing and labeling. I cannot know a person’s motives. Good grief, half the time I don’t even have a clear grasp of my own motives. So, the days of demonizing gays are over, and have been for a while.

But that doesn’t really solve anything for me either. If only sexuality were not so confusing. I guess Ted Haggard is still on my mind. Whether the prominent, anti-homosexual pastor of a megachurch had gay sex or not is not the point. I think we can say with some certainty that he had some attraction to the idea of gay sex, and it is the attraction that I am getting at.

For the sake of argument, let’s say Ted Haggard did not have gay sex, but had a hidden attraction for it. It turned him on, but he never acted on it. Does that make him gay? He claims he’s not gay. I guess you could believe him on the one hand, but on the other hand, he really can’t afford to be gay. There is too much to lose.

So, does same sex attraction make someone gay?

Let’s do another hypothetical. Let’s say that Ted Haggard’s accuser is correct and they had a three year sexual relatinoship. Is Haggard gay? Is he bisexual? Again, he claims he is not gay, and I am sure he would deny being bisexual as well.  

So, maybe same sex attraction does not make one gay, but acting on it does? My hunch is that Haggard would say that it does not, but would say it on Biblical grounds more than experienctial grounds.

A step further. Perhaps one has to make a claim for a gay identity to be gay.

And that leads to another question: Can someone be a somewhat gay? There is some research to suggest a spectrum of sexuality that makes room for there to be some homosexuality in a heterosexual and vice versa.

And then there is the notion that someone can change their orientation. That’s a tough one to swallow when I consider myself changing orientations. It’s just not going to happen. And yet, there are literally thousands who claim that they have changed from gay to straight (I have also heard stories of someone straight changing to gay, but usually those are stories more so about someone who claims that they were always gay) Were they really gay in the first place? They had same sex attraction and were having gay sex, but were they really gay?

Is sexual orientation (attraction) exclusively biological? Is it partially biological? Is it strictly a nurtured and socialized thing? Cripes! Pigeon hole sexuality in any direction and you get yourself into trouble.

I very much welcome your wisdom, thoughts, and comments. All I ask is that you be respectful. You are a guest on my blog much like you would be a guest in my home. Comment here like you would comment in my home.

Click here to see the Ted Haggard apology to his church.

Here is a poem I wrote. I do not remember when I wrote it. Good poetry needs no explanation, so here is my explanation. When I emerge from the grip of my own foolishness and find the refreshing liberation of the cleansing of forgiveness and the healing of reconciliation, the process is sometimes difficult, but the end result is beautiful.

Reborn

Oh the shivering detox;

The return of health;

Poisons scorch the earth in defeat;

Kicking and screaming, talons leaving blood trails.

Longing for gentler days, connected days,

Not so distant, so far removed,

Not so toxic, so unclean, so infected,

How long until Pure?

Layer after layer, scraped like sludge, 

Deeper, deeper, will it ever end?

How far until my own skin?

Do I still have a soul?

Love-hate with evil

Is far too much love

And far too much hate

Loving good is all that is necessary

Exorcising takes my breath away,

That poison breath that suffocates;

Replace it with clean air,

So clean it hurts.

Unwilling to indulge in all that is good;

Slime monster on white, crisp, cotton,

Slipping into the scrub

A cleansing so violent, but temporary.

Broken, small, off balance, but free;

Sparkling and crying, like a newborn,

New to this bright place;

No return, only forward, only clean.

One of Satan’s best and most powerful tools that wears against good people is blame. Satan himself (itself or whatever) assigns blame, but what is even more devious is that he entices people to blame each other or blame themselves. Then he doesn’t even have to take do it himself.

Why blame is bad. Blame is bad because there is no good end to it. The only thing it does is give this sense (false as it may be) that the person blamed can be treated badly with full justifucation for the bad treatment. Blame, in a sense, gives the nonblamed (or less blamed) a right to abuse the blamed (or more blamed). Therefore, since blame offers up an apparently good reason to abuse someone, people are challenged not to take up the opportunity to heap some abuse, whether it be to the other person who is blamed, or even to himself or herself if they are the blamed.

Taking responsibility is different than receiving blame. There is no punitive side to taking responsibility and also not the perceived need to punish the person taking responsibility. There is no hostility with responsibility, but with blame there is this inherent sense of hostility. Blame seeks to make things “fair” without virtue of an agreed upon measure of fair and without virtue of any sense of compassion or generosity. Blame seeks to get to fair by unfair means – an intrinsic hypocrisy and logical fallacy. Taking responsibility is merely doing the tasks that make the needed difference.

The hope (false hope that it is) of blame is justice. Blame never, “NEVER” I SAY, produces justice. It only perpetuates injustice in another direction. Doing the tasks that make the needed difference is what moves toward justice.

Responsibility actually does what blame hopes, but fails, to do.

Buy my book. It’s called Homefront and it is a collection of articles I wrote for the Jonesboro Sun. It costs $12.50 (shipping included).

I will split profits with World Vision.

It’s a bathroom book, stocking stuffer, Christams gift, paperweight, and much, much more.

Send a check to 2753 Sunset Lane Burnsville, MN 55337 and you will receive as many copies as you pay for. Buy 5 or more and pay only $10.00 each.  

As my 59 year old mother was helping my 80 year old grandmother into the mini-van, my 80 year old grandamother says, “Geez, I can do that; you’re treating me like I’m 90.” 

“Grey’s Anatomy, gosh, it’s just like my life.”

St. Paul, Minnesota.

If you think you can just drive around the neighborhood like those guys on that one commerical and get free wi-fi, well, you probably can. But you probably can’t do it leagally.

Click here to learn more.

Click here to see a white boy youth minister cover Sir Mixalot.

“Me so holy.” What gives?

I have been involved in conversations wherein people tried to assign postmodern philosophy to people. For example, I have heard people say that someone who doesn’t understand movie Napolean Dynomite is not postmodern. In other conversations I have heard people talk about postmodernity like it is a genetic trait.

So, are people postmodern? If they are, do they know it? Are they trying to be that way? I don’t, maybe they know it, maybe they are trying to be postmodern. Maybe not.

It’s not that I am doubting that there is a postmodern philosophy that is pervasive in American society, because I think that it is. However, I think that it is more pervasive on the macrolevel than on the personal level.

Let’s see if I can make any sense of this. All postmodernity needs in order to proliferate is increasing diversity, even if the people comprising the diversity are themselves not very diverse or even open to new ideas. How’s this?

Well, imagine people grouping together in like kinds of groups. Whites with whites, gays with gays, and farmers with farmers. Now, imagine that there are lots of these groups and the number of these different kinds of groups increases. Imagine that these groups often don’t agree with each other or often mingle with each other, but at the same time refuse to be violent toward each other. The number of different groups increases that there is no majority group or group powerful enough to always gets its way through policy, economic, factors etc.

Power decentralizes and then localizes; morality does the same. Truth becomes local as well. People in the groups realize that there are diverse views out there, but also realize they are limited in their ability to pursuade people that their group is better than other groups, and eventually give up trying so hard to pursuade, however, at the same time they do not hold their belief any less.

No one in any of these groups is”postmodern” in that they believe in postmodern philosophy. They all think that they are right in the most modern sense. And yet, the society they live in is trending postmodern.

Comments?

Many European countries have declined in birth rates such that they cannot replace their current populations. The United States has declined as well. The difference is that so many people want to immigrate to the United States that population decline will only be a problem if the U.S. closes its borders to immigration.

The U.S. won’t do it. Even with all the talk of building walls and controlling illegal immigration, America is still considered the Promised Land for  millions of hopeful people living in different countries. Furthermore, America is adding jobs and needs to have people to fill those jobs.

Some people think that this immigration threatens American culture. Truth is, massive immigration is a uniquely American reality. France, for example, seems to take great pride in being French, but the racial riots in France would indicate that there might be someting negative about the French wanting to be so very French.

Preserving American culture is not a racial thing, but rather a diversity thing. We’re in wave II of massive immigration, only this time around it’s not as much European immigration as it is Hispanic (whatever that term means) immigration. It would be unamerican to suddenly accept only European immigration and not Central and South American immigration.

While many European countries want to preserve homogenous national identities, American preserves its diverse and heterogenous identity by not being exclusive. The United States must be flexible and inclusive in order to continue its phenominal economic expansion. America must continue to welcome people of the world and find ways to give these immigrants access to the great American experiment.

America must be willing to continue to rethink itself with every next immigrant. Yes, these immigrants need to conform in many ways to American culture, but what might not be so obvious is that it is to America’s benefit to conform in some ways to the culture of the immigrants we welcome here.

We must never forget that America is an experiment. Its history is immigration. Its present is immigration. If its future does not contain immigration, then that point will mark the beginning of the decline and fall of the American culture.

Comments?

The fatal flaw of Western Christianity is that it is too easily enticed into using virtue as a tool by which to produce something else. Health and wealth theology is firmly rooted in using virtue, spiritual disciplines, and even goodness as a means by which to gain something else. It is consumerism run amuck.

And it is easy to pluck out the obvious examples of this and feel good about how we do virtue, but the sad fact remains that few of us Americans is any good at being satisfied with virtue and the end. And here is the irony, it’s not that we can’t settle for only virtue, no; rather it is that we are not desirous enough to achieve satisfaction through it. We desire so little that we will settle for any little thing that will tantalize and tittilate.

Furthermore, we construct such elaborate means to achieve such little ends. We are so numb to the fact that we are looking so hard for so little that we will use virtue to accomplish that end. The cart is pushing the horse.

There is a certain economy of spirituality that takes into account certain inputs and outputs. Inputs being prayer, spiritual disciplines, and fruits of the spirit with the outputs being paid mortgage, healing, or things more trivial. Thing is, that is not the way it was meant to work. Virtue is an end to itself, a good end, the prized end.

When are we ever going to get it straight in the wya we really live our lives? Is a very difficult time or situation that never ends, but produces patience or wisdom not and blessing? Comfort is no great prize. Wealth isn’t either. Virtue, however, is a great prize.

The more that is attained the more that is desired and the more that is desired the deeper a person goes into the goodness of God. That end results in a spreading of blessing from the virtuous person the the people surrounding him or her, no matter their level of virtue. There is a certain generosity of the virtuous person that does not view the world as a pool of scarce resources that must be won or lost, but rahter views the world as a deep spring fed pool that never runs out from which to draw and share.

Thus ends my philosophizing.   

Go to Faith 2.0 and learn about how you can access this great resource for you, ytour family or even your church.

The Boomers are retiring. And even though there is that commercial with the gray haired cool guy says, “this generation isn’t going to play shuffleboard,” they are going to need social security. In fact, they are going to need more social security than any genration prior. Not only that, these same boomers didn’t have enough babies to make sure that social security was going to be in place.

Enter immigration. Were it not for immigration, the U.S. would be scared straight like Europe about low borth rates and low replacement rates of population. The U.S. is unique in that the population is growing a little by birth, but a lot by immigration.

Now, these boomers are going to require lots and lots of people paying into the (poorly developed and poorly thought out) social security program (along with other entitlements). Since we’re not making enough babies fast enough to pay for these entitlements, someone is going to have to pay for this. We must count on the immigrants to pick up the slack. They won’t pick up all of the slack, but they will make a significant difference as compared to a closed America.

Some might object that immigrants only take crappy jobs that no self-respecting American would take (snobs), but that is not true. It is only true that a lot of these jobs are filled by immigrants, but it is not the only kinds of jobs immigrants fill.

I was amazaed when I heard the statisitc that over 25% of PhDs in America are foreign born. I doubt many of the immigrant doctorate holders are flipping burgers for $6 an hour. No, they are holding moderate and high paying jobs. A large percentage of American MDs are immigrants as well. They are paying taxes; supporting the system. Furthermore, they are not tkaing away PhD’s and MDs from Americans, they are achieving them on a relatively equal basis if not a bias against them.

Retiring Americans need immigrants to come to America and succeed if they want that social security check to come in anywhere near the levels they feel like they are entitled to.

Americans need immigrants to fill American jobs produced by an American economy that certainly is de-manufacturizing, but is growing, growing, growing in many other sectors. We do not need a woker shortage that so hampered Japan. The only way to have enough workers for the future jobs that need to be filled is going to be immigration – unless we can start getting couples to get in the sack and make some babies. That ain’t going to happen if trends continue as they have been.

Old white men might not like the fact that Mexican (Indian, Somali, Hmong, etc) teenagers are here and more of them are coming, but it just might be their economic salvation. What a bizarre and redemptive twist twist.

Any minute the U.S population will surpass 300 million people. That is amazing. A book is considered a best seller if it reaches 30,000 copies. So, that is 1 in every 3000 Americans reading the book.

Anyway, I was listening to NPR on a story about the U.S population and found it most interesting. Ihad some of my own reflections on the U.S. population reahing 300 million. I will play those out here.

This post serves as the introduction. Here’s what’s coming:

1. Old White People Need Teenage Mexicans (more than you ever dreamed)

2. Why the U.S still isn’t Europe and never will be.

3. America, the missiological phenomenon.

4. America Recolonized.

I’ll be posting on these over the next several days, when I get a little time (we’ll see about that), and when I do, I’d love some lively debate. It is my intentiona to bother at least a few people with my posts. So, prepare to be bothered.

Jae’s funeral. Is she allowed to grieve? He’s shaming her so bad right now. Sun is courageous. The secret is safe – for now. She carries that weight with her still. A heavy, heavy weight.

The baby is not Jin’s, right?

Back to the cages. That was one expensive kiss there Sawyer. Oh, that was Sawyer’s plan. He was testing out the other’s strength. It was a test. He’s not stupid.

“You taste like fish biscuits.” Best line of the season so far.

Jack’s still in the cell. Mr. leader is back with Jack. Mr. leader introduces himself as Benjamin Linus. he claims to have lived on the island all of his life. What? What does that mean? Something is being brought into the room. 69 days on the island. Benjamin claims ot have contact wit the outside world. Then he played a video of it. Ben jamin is dangling home in front of jack’s face – “I will take you home.”

Is Jack going to crack?

AMEX people have access to exclusive Lost info. I don’t care. Mastercard rules.

Jin’s going to do the deed. Murder. Wham that bald head. This is how to get honor to the family? Jin will have mercy? Does he know about the affair or not? Maybe he didn’t know. Jinhas mercy. Jin’s conflicted. Jae commits suicide. Guilt. Pearls in hand.

Lots of others on the boat. Colleen has a gun pointed at her by Sun. sun is in control. How does Colleen know her so well? colleen says, “we are not the enemy.” Sun shoots. Bullets come back at her. Sun wants to escape. Sun in the drink. Others have the boat. Jin super happy that Sun is alive. They will kiss. They hugged.

Flashback to Sun and Jin. He’s going to sya something. She’s nervous. Jin is caught between the woman he loves and the father-in-law he thinks he needs. Jin’s off to kill a man.

Sayid’s making the big, big fire. Jin wants Sayid’s gun. Huh? What gives? Where are the freaking subtitles? Ah ha, I knew he knew English. Jin is now packing heat, baby. What’s he going to do?

The others, freaks, what the heck are they doing? Why is Juliet looking flirtingly at sawyer? Sh eknows his weakness. He poured out water in front of her as if to say, screw you.” Sawyer really got the hots for Kate. And now he kisses her deeprly. Big fight. Sawyer’s got a gun. Oh, there’s Kate’s freckles. Juliet gots gun too. Sawyer gets shocked.

Sun’s back on the boat as Jin and Sayid awati to ambush. Someone’s in the boat with Sun. Cripes!!!

Jin is talking with Sun’s father. Shame. “I need you to restore my family’s honor” by murder!!!

Jin said, “others,” in English. Jin’s English is getting better.

Kate is swinging a pick in a hot dress and Sawyer can’t keep his eyes off her. OK, the dress isn’t that hot, but Kate is. Kate is talking to someone in the woods. Who is she? Mr. Shocker says “shut up.” Me no like him.

Sun is concerned about Sayid’s ideas. She thinks he’s lying. He was lying. Now he confesses to lie. sayid wants to lure the others wit the fire. Sayid asked Sun to lie to Jin for 20 minutes. she’s capable of lying to him. but can she do it again?

Sawyer’s got rocks again. Rah, rah, rah music. Sayer gets lunch to keep up his strength. Colleen’s whispering – what are they talking about? Oh look, there’s Kate.

sayid looks like he wants to torture sombody. Sun apologizes to Jin. Tender moent music. Oh, look, they are in love. Flashback music.

sun is had an affair with Jae. She feels guilt. He’s not just a little bald. Pearl necklace from Jae.

“Who can it be knocking at my door?”

Father busted Sun in the affair. He’s not a happy camper.

Sawyer’s sexual desire was at odds with his chivalry. Mr. shocker guy gave Sawyer a nice one.

Wow! What stories. Thanks to all of you who shared. Please, if there are more stories out there, feel free to comment. The complexities and challenges in adoption can be as unique as each family. But on the other hand, so can the blessings and rewards.

Also, there is much passion and emotion from many different directions on the topic of adoption. I haven’t met anyone yet who is involved in adoption in some way to be ho-hum about it. Now, there may be people out these who are, but I am not meeting them.

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Missong the Zoe Worship Conference this year was so hard. I especially missed my blogger friends who I only met last year at breakfast. It was so hard not to be there. 

If you aren’t adopted or know someone who is, then you might not think much about adoption. However, if you are adopted or have adopted a child, then you think about it quite a bit.

I’ve had several conversations with people over the past few weeks who have adopted children are are themselve adopted. These conversations are powerful. I am moved when I hear people speak of their adoption experiences.

So, let’s have a little intro to the 4 worlds of adoption. The following are in no specific order and are not actually comprehensive, but do cover the majority of types of adoptions.  The following categories are borrowed from a paper written by Harold D. Grotevant entitled, “Openness in Adoption: Re-Thinking “Family” in the United States.”

World1: Domestic infant adoption - This is the kind of adoptioin in which an American couple or individual adopts an infant. This kind of adoption is decreasing in frequency as compared to past decades as there are fewer infants available in the U.S. for adoption.

World 2: International Infant Adoption – This is the kind of adoption in which an American couple or individual adopts an infant from another country. It doesn’t take much imagination to realize that there might be some challenges for the family and the adopted child as he or she ages. There is an increasing frequency of international infant adoption.

World 3: Foster care Adoption – When a couple or individual adopts a child who has been in foster care. Since children arrive in foster care for a number of reasons, most of which can be traumatic for the child, these adoptions pose a number of different kinds of challenges as compared to other adoption arrangements.

World 4: Stepfamily Adoption – When a stepparent adopts a stepchild. Now, in order for this kind of adoption to occur, there are some antecedents. Death of a bio parent, relinquishing or parental rights or somenhing like that. In just about every way possible, there was a loss experienced by the child.

Here’s another little piece of the adoption world. 20,000 American children age out of the foster care system. Think about it, 20,000 18 year olds transitin from foster care to “real life” without anyone to call family. Granted the foster parents might be considered family, there is a difference between fostering a child and adopting one.

I have a growing respect for the complexities, challenges, and heroic efforts that make up adoption.

Anyone out there have an adoption story they don’t mind sharing with the loyal dozens who gather here?

What do you suppose the difference is between pride and arrogance? Is there any difference?

Sawyer’s trying to get a rock. What’s he going to do with that rock? Oh look, a lever. Music. Oh look, a little fake fish. Oh, look, some kibbles. some water. Oh look, Kate. So happy together. Sawyer calls Kate “Freckles.” Does she really have enough freckles to be called Freckles?

Sawyer gives Kate a deliciosu bass buiscut.

Jack wakes up from Juliet’s whack. They are under water, under an aqurium.

“It doesn’t matter who we were. It only matters who we are.” Juliet knows a lot about Jack. How does she know this? How does she a copy of his autopsy report? Juliet’s got a whole file on Jack. she knows about Jack’s ex-wife, Sarah. Cripes!

Jack’s out of flashback jail. Sarah posted bail. How nice. She’s not really warming up to Jack. There she went. Jack’s ex-wife wasn’t with Jack’s dad. There’s some relief. Jack is coming to terms with losing sarah. “Is she happy?” Juliet seems to know that Sarah is happy.

Ben is the main guy.

Next on LOST. Kate and Sawyer kiss.

I’m mad. You’ve got to have an American Express Card to get more LOST info. That’s crap. I will never, ever get an American Express card – period. They lost me forever as a potential customer. Shame on them.

Jack is back and here comes Juliet. She is trying to get Jack to eat.

Flashback to Jack in hospital. There’s his dad. is he talking to Sarah? Jack followed dad to hotel. Raoming the halls. There’s dad. Dramatic music. Dad is busted – in an AA meeting. Jack making a fool of himself. Jack accused his father of sleeping iwth his wife. “Jack, let it go” and took him down. Jack takes Juliet down. Now he’s got her. Jack tries to open the door that the Others claim will kill them. Lots of water. Close that door. Juliet’s got a good cross.    

Jack’s on the phone. Oh, there’s his dad. Boundaries villation dad, back off. Jack’s obsessed with Sarah’s lover. “Why is Sarah calling you, dad?” Here comes hat drink theme again. Is jack’s dad with Jack’s wife? Oh how they make us wonder.

Jack is back in jail again. Crackly voice “let it go Jack” in his father’s voice. Is Jack halucinating? Jack is still very stubborn. Juliet wants to talk. He claims to be a repo man. She’s really digging jack for info. Jack finally gives in and gives her information.

“You can trust me Jack, i’m not going to hurt you,” she says. Oh, now Jack trusts her a little bit. She walks away.

Back to Sawyer. “Chachy” is the first new nickname of the season. Sawyer escapes with the unknown other prisoner. Sawyer meets Juliet and gets tazered. Cripes. Back to jail.

Jack is with his wife, sarah, and yes it is tense. Jack is very sorry. Her cell interrupts. She’s talking to her lover, I am sure, and Jack wants to know the name of the” man that is with my wife.”

Ouch!!!

She walks away without a sound.

Back to Jack in jail with Juliet. She thinks he’s stubborn.

Yipes, there’s Kate in a towel. Now she’s got to wear this little dress. Weird guy says, “He’s waiting.” Creepy.  Who’s waiting? Mr. balloon man. “Romatic” breakfast by the ocean, but she’s got to wear the handcuffs to get some food.

Kate’s tough. “Kate, the next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant.”

What’s up with Jack behind the glass? Hi-yah! Karate kick no good.

Kate’s in the shower with a weird man. Ewww, someone poked Kate in the vein.

Sawyer’s in with monkeys or something.  I think I just heard a rooster. Sawyer finds the chow button and gets shocked.

Jack is strong with chains and he meets Juliet.

“Down town”

 Earthquake? No, a plane crash.

The Others have a village – on the island. The plane crqash interrupted the book club on the island. Oh, weird beginning 

The funeral for my brother-in-law was moving. I was assigned the task of creating a powerpint slideshow from old scanned photos. It was a good task for me. I liked it and it kept me busy. Besides, I was the only person who had any knowledge of technology, which frankly represents a sad state of affairs. When I am the the most technologically capable person in the house, the house needs help

As I have pondered David’s death, I ahve pondered my father’s death as well. What’s the difference between life and death? It seems like a simple question on the surface – the dead are dead and the living are living – what else needs to be said?

And yet, where is David? He’s not occupying his body. We can say that he is in Heaven, and I believe that is true, but how is he in Heaven? Where is Heaven? Just what is it that is going on there? Oh, I plan on going there and being with God in a different wayu than I am with God right now, but what does that mean?

I know that there are theories and theologies structured to answer these questions. But no one who comes up with this stuff has ever been dead and lived to tell about it.

As I get older and an important age like 40 is creeping ever closer, the meaning of death is changing. It is moving from the thing that will happen once upon a time in the far, far future to a thing that is only half a life away. It’s more familiar and more frightening, an inevitible fright for which I am somehow being prepared to face. It’s more mysterious and real. Death is an unusual mentor whose mentorship becomes more and more active as I age. One day, I know that I will walk with death and leave all others behind, just like David did, just like my father did.

And that is not the end. Just where is it that death will take me? Although death is an inevitible  and solitary travel companion, I tend to think that the journey, once begun, is quite short and then death leaves you alone forever. I am beginning to think that death plays only a very small, but essential role in a person’s existence – like birth. In minutes or perhaps hours, a baby is born, but then lives a life of 80 years. The birth was short in comparison, but essential to all other things that follow. I am starting to think death is much more like birth that it is, well, death.

Birth is merely a change of location. So is death. Once born, there is no return. Same with death. With birth one enters a never before known place to remain their for a long time. Is death so different?

Now, I do not believe in reincarnation, but I am starting to believe differently about death. It’s not that I long for it either – premature births are complicated. So are premature deaths. Longing for death is probably not healthy for most, but accepting it and preparing for it is probably a very healthy thing.

Oh, and one more thing about birth and death, what happens in one place has implications for what happens in the next. I want to make my life something of value for today, a benefit for the people surrounding me no matter who they are. How that affects the next life, I am not sure, but I am sure that it does. I have a say in the next life today. That makes today pretty important.

My brother-in-law, David, just lost his battle with cancer. We’ll be in Arkansas to join the family for the funeral. David was sufferin much with cancer and had horrific reactions to treatment. His death is very sad. At the same time, the extent to which he was suffering was great. He is no longer suffering.

Yesterday amrked 6 months since my father died. Half a year. It’s different now than it was then. I still remember how he looked dying in the ICU. It’s the absolute saddest memory I ahve of him. Why that image comes up first in my memory marks my grief and where I am with it.

I have other memories of him. Lots of them. Good ones. But for now, the image at the ICU helps me, somehow.

I deleted his phone number from my cell phone this week. That was a tough one. It only took me 6 months to do that. Not sure what that means, but I think it means that I am moving forward with my grief.

Are we consuming ourselves to death? What are the effects of being able to consume just about whatever we want whenever we want?

Do you suffer from Affluenza?

Actually, what I want to get at is not a personal thing here, but rather a chruch thing? Are our churches stricken with affluenza?

If so, what can be done?

I have come to realize that my days of reading lots and lots of blogs will be placed on hold for a while. Doctoral studies are very demanding. Pumping out posts is tough enough.

It’s not that I don’t want to read your blog. Rather, it is that I am not graded nor paid to do so. Things that are not family related or paid or graded are losing their pull in my life.

Thanks for coming here, many of you daily. It means a lot to me. The fact that I am not lurking or commenting on your blog does not mean I don’t like your blog.

I will keep posting. I will post here a few times per week and then over at my other two blogs: Smart Stepfamilies and Flaming Pine Youth Camp. I hope you will continue to visit my blogs even though I am not currently able to give back.

In Joshua 22, we find Israel having completed the task of occupying the Promised Land. They were one people, following God’s plans, hearing god’s voice, and consulting God at every turn. Here we have Israel at he height of its power and obedience up to this point.

Three Israellite tribes, Gad, Reuben, and half of Manasseh decide to settle east of Jordan and erect a monument to show that they are faithful to God and with the rest of Israel. The rest of Israel doesn’t like it and instantly decides to kill the 3 tribes. They cite book chapter and verse why they should kill the 3 tribes. They want to keep Israel pure.

Fortunately, they had a talk and didn’t go to war.

Here’s the sin of the believer, the people who have been closest to God, the people who have lived most in god’s blessing and protection: bypassing God.

The 10 tribes bypassed God in assuming they knew what would please God. Only people so close to God can commit this kind of sin. When people get too comfy cozy with God such that they can make decision for God without consulting God, there is bound to be trouble.

Ever seen this sin?

My brother-in-law, David, is terminal with cancer. In fact, he has probably surpasses his life expectancy. We envy your prayers. David is in a nursing home and is being watched over by his parents. His my (my wonderful mother-in-law) spends lots of time with him. Her eyesight is next to gone with macular degeneration. David’s eyes are perfect.

They were talking the other day as David knows that each day could be his last. He was speaking about dying and took compassion on his mother and her eyesight as he sai, “Mom, I wish I could give you my eyes.”

Beautiful.

Every time I think that we are beyond this kind of thing, a story like this one shows up.

One of the profs who teaches in the Family Social Science program I am enrolled in has just released a book that is getting a ton of press. The book is called, “Two in a Bed.” He’s been featured in the NYTimes, on radio and TV shows (Good Morning America methinks) and even in some international media outlets.

Amazon will share the table of contents with you here, an excerpt here, and a you can buy it here.

Obviously this conversation is moot. There is no going back. First of all, I don’t really know where I stand. When we went into Afghanistan, I was for it. When we went into Iraq, I was for it. But what a difference all these years make. It’s not that I am convinced that it was wrong (afghanistan or iraq), though I have my very serious concerns. My thinking goes in a different direction.

OK, let’s see if I can put into words what I intend to say. Could it be that the United States missed an opportunity to teach the world about the strength of our restraint rather than the strength of our might? Please, don’t hear me say “We should have done nothing.” If you go there, you’re not following me. I am not saying that we should be weak, rather I am saying that there is more than one way to be strong.

I think that 9/11 was so huge and so obviosuly painful that no one could ignore it. It was a different thing than all of the other attacks we’ve ever faced before – put togehter I would argue (and win). Since it was so huge, I believe that not taking a military response could have been framed in many ways other than weak.

I know that people are going to say that not responding militarily would invite more attacks, and maybe that is so. But we don’t know that. In fact, it’s a pretty huge assumption. Not responding could have given us leverage with the international communtiy. It could be that the world has been waiting for American power to be expressed through American restraint. Maybe the world is watching America to see how to use its power.

OK, here is what think would have happened:

1. Americans would have demanded an attack

2. When Bush didn’t attack, Republicans would have been beside themselves

3. America would not have been attacked because international securty would be where it is right now.

4. Democrats would have become more hawkish on war and talk of impeachment would rattle through the capital – but it wouldn’t happen.

5. Bush would not get re-elected.

6. Saddam Hussein would be all talk.

7. Iran and North Korea would be crazy still, but not as crazy as they are now.

8. Hugo Chavez would not be shooting his mouth off so much, and if he was, then no one would listen to him because international anti-american rhetoric would not be in vogue or even tasteful except for the super duper freaks.

9. And finally, Cubs win the World Series.

OK, tear me up.

Had America not responded, what would have happened?

On September 11th, 2001, America was attacked by terrorists. Planes hit the World Trade Center, the Pentegon and another plane crashed. Thousands or Americans were killed. 

The enemy was instantly identified as Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden. So, the president ordered and attack on Afghanistan. In an effort to destroy terrorism, the president ordered a controversial attack on Iraq. Five years later, Americans still fight on those places – two of the most dangerous places on earth.

What do you suppose would have happened if instead of attacking these countries and occupying them, the Unites States turned the other cheek? What if Americans, who were receiving the sympathies of almost the entire world, made a clear statement that we are not about violence, death and murder, but are instead about reconciliation, forgiveness, and love? What if Americans had demanded that our president forgive the aggressors?  

What if we poured our energies into security and defense, but refused to be seduced into an aggressive posture? What if we refused to respond with force?

These are not rhetorical questions. I really want to know what you honestly believe our reality would be now 5 years later had we not attacked back.

I don’t presuppose any answers and I am not looking for anything specific besides what you really believe.

Would not attacking back have been a disaster? Would it have been an opportunity for the world to be impressed by our love? What do you think?

Click here to see what postmodernism has given us.  

Thanks Phil Wilson and youtube.

In an average American household, each person spends $40 on food per week. So, a famiy of 4 spends $160 per week on food.

So, you might think that when there is a family of 3, the cost would be $120 – and it would be unless the famly is headed by a single mother. If that is the case, then only $28.33 per person is spent on food. So, maybe homes with single mothers consumer less food. Or, maybe single mothers find ways to stretch dollars better than the average families.

Now, if a man is living alone, he is going to spend $60 per week on food, more than double what the average person headed by a single mother. Again, this is amount paid, not amount eaten. Men might be eating more when they are alone, but they might be buying more expensive food.

Now, you might think, “Men are greedy pigs,” but you should not think that, unless of course you are prepared to call women greedy pigs. When women live alone they spend almost as much as men living alone – $50 per week. oink oink.

Texas is the state with the highest level of “Food Insecurity” while North Dakota has the lowest level.

Larry James in Dallas knows a lttle bit about food insecurity. Reading his blog is educational.

Source: Household Food Security in the United States 2004

What should moral energies of Christians be spent doing?

A. Discouraging and penalizing couple cohabitation

B. Work to support the children these cohabiting couples produce

Please, don’t cop out and say BOTH. Please, explain your answers. I listened to a speaker today compare U.S. and Swedish marriage, parenting, poverty, and policy patterns. It was a very good presentation and provided some terrific things to think about. So, above is the question I offer to you who are Christians.

The word “barbarity” was used.

Recalls heroic acts, lost lives, and sacrifices.

Bush taps his right hand a lot.

Very serious tone.

Bush framed the enemy as someone who hates freedom, women are not free and men are beaten for missing prayer metings.

Compared to Cold War threat.

“The war is not over.”

“The Middle East will be overrun with  extremists.”

Stuttered on “intelligence.”

Gitmo is to hold people accountable for their actions.

Answers presence in Iraq. “They were a threat.” “The world is safer becuase Saddam Hussein is no longer in power.”

Bush said, “foment.”

Iraq’s unity government. Hmmm.

The safety of America depends upon what happens in the streets of Baghdad.

Osama calls this “the third world war.”

Left hand holding down the right hand.

War death toll nearly 3000 American soldiers. Almost as mnay killed on 9/11.

“Tore down the wall between agencies.” Clinton poke?

“Passager planes?”

“They fear our freedom.”

There goes those hands again.

Bush frames it as a clash between tyranny and freedom.

We changed our policies because what were were doing wasn’t working (paraphrased).

Invoked WWII without saying WWII.

“Evil” count = 5

Leave the desert of despotism for the fertile grounds of freedom.

Best resource is not oil, but creativity. (That was actually a pretty good line).

Personal interest story about fallen firefighter. Sons went to military and firefighting. Proud mother. Hard to criticize.

The attacks were meant to bring us to our knees, and they did – in prayer.

Faith in a loving God.

18 minutes and out.

Tim Russert and Brian Williams talk. russert predicts that Democrats will criticize the speech. Geez, I need to be in news reporting. I tihnk i could have come out for that one.   

Who could forget five years ago? I was a youth minister and had arrived at my office that morning and was still checking e-mail and surfing the web for something oh so important and meaningful.

Reports of a plane crashing into one of the towers of the World Trade Center shocked me. I saw a still photo on the web of the smoking building. My initial assumption was that the pilot had made some terrible error and the plane crashed into the tower on accident.

However, when I got the report that a second plane had flown into the other tower and news people were now certain that this was an attack, I got scared.

I lived two miles from the Mall of America at that point. Then the Pentegon and another plane crash. People talked of targets and American symbols. Certainly I lived two miles from one of those symbols.

The Mall of America closed down along with other places like the Sears Tower.

I remember planes being grounded, but still hearing the occasional plane. The sound was eerie and frightening. I found out later that Fedex was stilling flying packages.  

I went home after hearing about he second tower to be with my wife and infant and toddler children. I wept. We prayed. I was glued to the TV.

We held church services. We prayed. We sang God bless America.

Then, if you will remember – Anthrax.

We were under attack from unusual on deadly fronts. By stealth. It was a frightening time. In fact, I feel the angst as I write and remember these events.

Oh God, bring peace to the place. Please make things as they ought to be. Come and end wars, hatred, violence, and division. Come to rescue the weak and hurting. Give us people sense enough to love courageously. Forgive our foolishness.

Forgiveness is one central concept in Christianity and other major world religions. It is so common that it is easy to believe we know all that there is to know about it. However, familiarity can be a cruel friend. Sometimes, when we believe we know something, we are susceptible to believing myths asif they were the truth.

So, have you believed any other these myths about forgiveness?

Need to learn to forgive? Here are two good options for you:

Forgiving and Reconciling

Forgiving the Devil

Who gives away free downloads of his CD?

Derek Webb, that’s who.

I am listening to the free downloaded CD right now I am loving it.  

Go and get yours here.

OK, it will cost you five e-mail addresses of people you know, but geez, isn’t it worth it?

I told you a few days back about Bastrd Nation. Well, they found me. Check out comments in my blog post here. Thanks for stopping by my new friends.

For years, people who were adopted were not allowed to know about their biological history. Any contect with their birthparents weer forbidden. Adoptions were completely anonymous forever. This was done to “protect” everyone involved. Recent research has shown that these arrangements are not necessarily “protecting” of people invlved. “Open” adoptions (where information exchanges at varying degrees are permissible or encouraged) are more and more the norm.

If you’re not connected to adoption issues, you just don’t know what a huge deal this concept of openness is. Think about the potential identity issues for adoptees, the potential grief issues for birthparents, and the potential family formation issues.  

I am sure the folks at Bastard Nation and their website could inform you about adoption issues and their advocacy postions.

Why don’t you check out their mission statement below.

Bastard Nation^(SM) Mission Statement

Bastard Nation is dedicated to the recognition of the full human and civil rights of adult adoptees. Toward that end, we advocate the opening to adoptees, upon request at age of majority, of those government documents which pertain to the adoptee’s historical, genetic, and legal identity, including the unaltered original birth certificate and adoption decree. Bastard Nation asserts that it is the right of people everywhere to have their official original birth records unaltered and free from falsification, and that the adoptive status of any person should not prohibit him or her from choosing to exercise that right. We have reclaimed the badge of bastardy placed on us by those who would attempt to shame us; we see nothing shameful in having been born out of wedlock or in being adopted. Bastard Nation does not support mandated mutual consent registries or intermediary systems in place of unconditional open records, nor any other system that is less than access on demand to the adult adoptee, without condition, and without qualification.

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Tonight was the Solomon’s Porch “membership class.” It was more of a conversation. A group of about a dozen of us listened and talked about what life was like at Solomon’s Porch.

It was all good, but here is the best part: When a person decides to become a part of Solomon’s Porch, that person changes the church.

OK, think about that. If you are not looking into it you might miss it. Most churches are established, so when someone enters into the church, the goal is to get that person plugged in – am I right here? These people are assimilated. Assimilation is the stated goal. Some churches have ministers of assimilation. When a person enters the church, they are changed to fit into the system of that church. The system is set, some a re so closed that change is impossible.

What would happen if the church was required to change as much or more than the new person? What if the church was excited about the idea that they would need to change because a new person entered in? What would it be like if the church was an open system rather than a closed system?

Think about this: the old way gives power and privilege to make things happen to the people who have been there longest. When that happens, the older a church becomes the harder it is to fit in and matter – unless of course you are assimilated. The new way is different. The power and privilege is given or at least offered to the new people. change is dependent upon new people coming in changing the system. This way, the older the church becomes, the newer it becomes.

Doug Pagitt, the pastor, was pretty open about how it is difficult this is when a churhc grows in numbers and years. However, he made it clear that new people entering the system matter. The evidence for this is (will be) in the change that actually occurs.

The second best thing was the decentralized power structure – or unstructure as the case may be.

So, we are now “members.”   

I was the last one the bus driver allowed on the bus – standing room only. Cripes!!! I stood, yes stood, right next to bus drived and one pace back. This can’t be legal. Before me was a huge windshield with nothing but the card reader between us. 25 miles in stop and go traffic got me to praying.

Now, my experience was not like the picture off to the side. I did actually get to ride in tha bus.

I might be finding me a different bs route. This express bus cna get scary with the 28 extra bodies.

Today was the official first day of classes. I had two classes and I heard the apology twice. “I apologize for the price of this book, but there is nothing I can do about it.”

Textboks are a scam. I can’t wait until I write one.

Steve irwin, the crocodile hunter, is dead. A stingray got him, not a croc, as might be expected. Of course this is tragic as Steve wowwed peple with his care-free (some might say insane) interaction with large-toothed or venomous animals.

Click here for a new report on his death.

Good-bye, croc hunter, and thanks for thrilling us these many years.

Today it rained all day. I was so out of it. I have these days sometimes, this being one of them, in which I feel so useless. I have no ideas, don’t want to do anything, and yet life refuses to go on hold. On days like these I lose confidence, like I’m washed up, done, wiped out. I want life to just give me a day to do nothing. No. Life requires my presence, my energy, my contribution.

OK, I did get a nap today and I liked it. I REALLY liked it. It’s evening now and I am snapping out of it. I also went to the Solomon’s Porch gathering and that gave me a boost.

It’s curious just how much emotions influence beliefs. The thing with negative emotions is to challenge them. Negative emotions must not be allowed to go unchallenged. They cannot be allowed to run amuck without any initiative. These negative emotions can hold a person hostage, keep captive their potentials, and remove freedom from the realm of perceived options.

At the same time, when negative emotions are present they usually try to get a person to believe that these negative emotions are permanent. Usually, the only way that these emotions become permanent is to fear that they will, to believe that they will. Usually, negative meotions runs their course and get out.

“Do not fear.” That is good advice for responding to negative emotions. Whatever was true about you before the negative emotion is usually pretty much true during the negative emotion, and still true after the negative emotion. Knowing this ahead of time, before the negative emotion hits, is pretty important.

“Do not fear,” is found often in the Bible. On days like today, it is important to have that kind of support.

Who is looking more desperate, the minor league baseball execs looking  to fill seats or the people of faith who fill them?

First of all, does the Moses bobblehead fill seats? And if it does, what does that mean for the minor league team distributing them? What does it mean for the Christian consumers gathering them up?

Just look at the face on that Moses bobblehead. What is Moses saying to you? He looks pretty ticked off to me, like he just realized that Israel is worshipping a golden calf at the same time he wants to give them the Law.

Isn’t there a happy moment for Moses we could have shared through this bobblehead instead of a mad one?

Anyway, read the San Francisco Chronicle article if you want to.

My new favorite NBA player is Stephon Marbury and here’s why.

Did anyone else know that Rick Warren had a blog?

Good and positive post on the church.

It is very much promoting his stuff, but so is my blog.

However, I allow comments and Warren doesn’t. And then again, he’d probably get 5000 comments on each post and I might get 500 in my lifetime.

Wade Hodges just announced that the Tulsa Workshop sessions will be released one at a time on itunes in the form of podcasts.

He also gives us a looky-loo into the 2007 Tulsa Workshop.

So, as part of my life in doctoral studies I have to learn about the research projects I am joining. One of the projects I am joining studies adoption.

So, in order to become familiar with the project I am reading all kinds of scholarly journal articles. These articles are by nature informative and somewhat dry, full of stats, research methods and discussion of the results. I do not look to these articles for humor - WHATSOEVER.

Also, when I think of adoption advocates and researchers, I think of nice people with good attitudes – sophisticated and educated. So, imagine my surprise as I was reading an adoption journal article as I rode the 465u into town and found the words, “BASTARD NATION,” in the article. I laughed out loud. The picture in my head – geez.

I pictured this ripped jeans band of ruffians with baseball bats in hands with their leader, face full of scars, looking you dead in the eye and saying, “We’re Bastard Nation, got a problem with that?”

I apologize for my imagination, there is no excuse for it.

Bastard Nation (found appropriately at http://www.bastards.org/) is an actual advocacy group fighting for the rights of adoptees to open the adoption records. Their cause is legit.

…cutting off your little toe

…having basic cable

…driving a 3 cylinder car

…writing a 25 page research paper and leaving off the bibliography

…jogging in slippers

…deep sea fishing with a zebco special

…gangsta rap with no f-words

…having a blog with stupids posts (uh-oh!)

…holding together 75 pieces of paper with one staple

…wordprocessing with Microsoft Works

Come on, give me a little help here!!!

John Mark Karr didn’t, as predicted by me, kill Jonbenet Ramsey. I should have blogged this, so you’ll just have to take my word on this. John Mark Karr wanted to get caught. This whole thing was his soul screaming through his dulled and numbed mind and heart and body. He’s been so disconnected from himself that he doesn’t differentiate physical experience from mental or emotional experience – or virtual experience for that matter.

When you’ve polluted yourself in sickening perversion, how do you dig out of it besides getting caught? Yes, God could have made an appearance and told him to stop, but that is not the usual path of God so far as I understand God. What might be more likely is that the spirit placed within this man made a desperate act in order to avoid complete suffocation.

He didn’t kill Jonbenet, but he’s not innocent. I very much hope for this man finds what he needs. I hope he sobers up and gets clean from his addiction. When I get past my disgust for what he does, I feel sorry for the guy.

Feeling a little nervous I might miss the bus, I arrived at the Burnsville Public Transit Station early. I triple checked the number of my route to make sure I didn’t get on the wrong bus. 465u express. The route numbers are lit up in yellow on the front of the bus – can’t miss them. If you know your route number, you’re good to go.

Bus drivers don’t make change. It was good to know this in advance, so I came with my $2.75 counted out. Most people had a pass card that fit into a slot, made a beep, and then they were good to go. On my return trip, I will have one of those cards from the university.

The 7:05 am bus actually departed at 7:09 AM. The bus was about half full, which was nice because I didn’t have to sit next to someone. We entered the freeway at rush hour, so the very beginning of the ride was pretty slow going.

Minneapolis campus by 7:41? We’ll see.

The ride is bumpy and sometimes jerky. Never board a bus while needing to go to the bathroom. Too risky. Don’t think you can just hold it unless you have an iron sphincter. I boarded well refreshed – and empty.

The Metro bus system in the Twin Cities has its main metro busses serving Minneapolis and St. paul and maybe a few of the innder ring suburbs, but then the rest of the suburbs have their own busses that integrate into the Metro bus system. I am riding a Minnesota Valley Transit Authority bus. These busses serve the southern suburbs south of theMinnesota River (Burnsvilee, Apple Valley, Eagan, Lakeville and some others). They all go to the same places so I am not sure why there has to be all these different transit authorities.

The seat is surprisingly comfy. Not like a kid’s yellow school bus with the bouncy seat covered with green vinyl.

We’ve picked up some speed, but we are not in the commuter lane, which busses have a right to use. We just got passed by another MinnesotaValley bus. I wonder why we are not in the “fast” lane. Oh yes, we’re cruising now. Love it. I am typing and not driving. I am being transported, not transporting. This is terrific. I always drive no matter who is in the car with me.

Now we’re passing by my old church where I was a youth minister once upon a time.

The cost for the bus, even at the full rate of $2.75, is a steal. If I drove myself, one way would be at least a gallon of gas (optimistically).

What’s this, we’ve taken an exit and this is an “express” bus. This in an off ramp from the highway and here is a bus stop at the bottom of the ramp. Looks like we will go straight and enter right back on. I guess an express bus can make a stop or two. This explains why we were not in the commuter lane. We stopped and no one got on. Waste.

Anyway, the cost is a wash if gas stays at $2.75 a gallon. Oh, but then there is university parking $3.50 per day if I get lucky and $5.25 if I don’t, and then I’m walking 6 blocks. Not too bad unless it’s 20 below zero with wind. Nope, I’ll save the $3.50 a day, get dropped off right where I want to be by riding the bus. Furthermore, I get this sweet deal through the university for bussing and light rail transit. $62.00 a semester  gets me all the transit I can stand to anywhere in the Twin Cities. So, that’s about $15.00 per month making my daily commute round trip about 80 cents. In my car, 80  cents gets me about 10 miles down the road on gas, and that’s not including wear and tear. What a deal.

Lots of people sleeping on the bus. Lots of mp3 players. Not a single person talking. One guy is reading the newspaper. These are all university people in one way or another.

An automated sounding voice just said, “Lake Street.” I don’t know why besides the fact that the Lake Street exit is coming quickly.

We just passed my new church where I have no status and I like it that way.

We’re moving over to the right lane, which I guess means we’ll be at Lake Street soon.

Well, there goes the Lake Street exit and we didn’t leave the freeway. I guess that was my invitation to get off at Lake Street if I wanted to. We’re near downtown Minneapolis as the skyscrapers have come clearly into view.Minneapolis is a beautiful city. Oh look there is Sean Hannity on a billboard. Sorry, Sean, won’t be listening to your ranting today – or ever.

We’ve got 6 minutes to make it on time. Since there are no weather issues or crashes on the freeway, it’ll be close to see if we make it on time.

Just took the exit that gets us to the bridge that crosses the Mississippi to get us to the East Bank of the U of M. I just heard that same voice again, “Anderson hall.” It is the actual bus driver’s voice, but it sounds a little robotic. Someone pressed a button above her head which triggered a large red bar to light up in the front of the bus. That’s why we didn’t stop at Lake Street, no one pressed a button.

“Coffman Union,” says the robotic bus driver voice again. We all press a button.

7:39 AM. 2 minutes early. I guess skipping Lake Street made a difference.

In short, I am a fan of public transit after day 1.

It used to be that Christians went to chuch and non-religious people didn’t. Now that clear cut distinction cannot be made. There is a growing group of unchurched, or should I say post-churched, Christians. They haven’t lost their faith in Jesus, but they have lost their faith in church as we know it. Or maybe they have seen so little utility and mission that they no longer find it meaningful.

People are making a difference by exiting the church that they cannot change from within. This is a statistical fact.

What I want to do here in this post is to get some feedback about the postchurched Christian movement. Is this a problem? Is it a statement to the organizaed church? What does the organized church need to learn from this phenomenon?

Your thoughts?

At the local home improvement store:

“Excuse me, can you tell me where the firewood is?”

“Plumbing.”

Sure enough, it was in plumbing.

Minnesota Men’s Retreat. For more information, click here.

I don’t put all of my religious eggs into the restoration movement, emerging church or any other basket. Anyone who does is a consumer or something worse. For any Christian, the eggs go into the Jesus basket. If it is not about following God in the way Jesus did (does), then it isn’t worth it.

Dwiggy was wondering in the comments section of my last post on this topic why changing churches means being a consumer. I thought that the question was really good and helps to deeper approach the topic of Chrisatian consumerism.

The central notion here cannot be the local congregation, but rather a person’s role in the larger story of God. That may or maynot mean sticking with the current local congregation or denomination for that matter.

This is a question of motives, not behavior. A person heading off to a new, relevant, postmodern engaging, hip church might be a consumer while someone sticking with his or her stuck in the mud denominational church might be very much in the center of what God has in mind. Behavior does not determine motive.

Certainly each context is highly influential upon individuals and families. Whatever context a person places himself or herself into also has  a set ot expectations and options that go along with it. So, choose your context and you choose the parameters of your available options. Choose your church and you chose your parameters – for the most part.

My point in all of the is that Christian people must not get infected with consumerism such that we make spiritual  and religious choices with a consumeristic mentality. Breaking free from consumerism as it relates to church, God, faith and so on is crucial. Consumerism must be the servant, not the master.

Shop for a car to get the best deal? Sure. Shop for a church to get the best services that make you feel happy? Better think about it. Buying the car might be about you (although I could argue that the other way as well), but church isn’t.

We must acknowledge the influence of consumerism upon us and how it affects our decision making processes and then we must be diligent to notice when these processes are out of place with the topic of decision making. We must find better reasons for making the decision we make than the base and mere “better mousetrap” mentality that consumerism reduces us to.

Foseen has not had a seizure since my last post – not any real seizures anyway. You see, Fossen is a 6 year old boy with a sense of humor. He has faked a couple seizures since leaving the hospital. Needless to say when he fakes a seizure it isn’t funny to his parents. My brother figures that it is his way of gaining a sense of control over his situation. Fossen’s mom is not buying it.

He’s taken 4 rounds of meds and thusar, no problemo. Thanks for the prayers.

American Christians have a real hard time being just Christians.

We live in consumerism. We like that businesses spend lots of money to make us happy. It’s gratifying to know that LendingTree.com is making banks compete for what? My busniess. In fact, we realize, as consumers, that we are lusted after constantly for the power we wield and what power we can give to the various businesses that lust after us. Frankly, it’s pretty gratifying to be that important. We expect to be flirted with, flattered, and praised. We are the customer and we are always right.

Now, when our church does not treat us the same way businesses do, we gripe that we are not respected. When our church does not lust after us like corporate a|America does, we Christians feel neglected. Our entitlement has been infringed upon and we, in business like fashion (at first) assert our right as the customer. That might “work” in our favor and change may occur that provides some temporary happiness. If it does not work, then more will is asserted on the church or the church is abandoned for a “better” church. When we don’t like the product, we shop.

The problem here is not so much that a person might move from one church to another. If it were only that shallow. The problem is that we Christians view ourselves as the one’s being served. When we willingly take on the role of the one being served, being pleased, being catered to, then we have a real hard time serving, pleasing, and catering to.

When we Christians look to the church to make our dreams come true, then we forfeit the role of making other people’s dreams come true. When we lean on the church for our consumption needs, then we drain it of the resources that could be helping someone come to know God.

Yes, church to the rescue is many, many cases. We need to take care of our own. But let’s face it, God’s taking care of millions of Christian’s needs through other means. and we’re just gathering together, filling our minds with knowledge we’ll never use jst to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.  

What we need to do as Christians is to become producers, not consumers. A producer’s mentality is totally different from that of a consumer. We are to be givers and creators. We are to think that way. When we begin to think like producers, creators, givers, then we will lose our entitled status and be glad that it is gone. Happiness through gratification is fleeting at best. Happiness through sacrifice, creation, and production has more legs.

Thoughts?

I am oriented. Here is what I learned:

“The University of Minnesota is a moral community.” – keynote speaker

“If you walk north on the east bank we’re on the southwest side.” – Poorly given directions by the employment office representative.

“80,000 people show up on campus everyday.”

“The U of M has the 15th largest library in North America with well over 6,000,000 volumes.”

“If you look for a book longer than 10 minutes, stop looking and have a librarian find it. We find resources; you write papers. That’s how it works.” – Librarian 

“We can get you a book from China.” Librarian 

“In our dissertation support group…” University psychologist.

Imagine being handyman walking into Home Depot and the person working there says, “See all this, it’s yours. Use every tool here as much as you want. If you don’t know what a tool does, let me know and I will train you, for free. The reason I am even here is to make you a complete success.”

Yes, this was the feel I got today at the orientation.

Today is university orientation day. I will post later and report if I am oriented.

My nephew, Fossen (age 6) had no seizures today. Thank God. Also, thank-you for the prayers and well-wishing. The eeg was taken today, but the results have not been interpretted. We’ll see.

He has been diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE). Half of all kids with TLE grow out of it. Half do not. However, some who do not grow out of the condition can control it with meds. Fossen took his first round of meds today. The meds are not expected to work for the first week. So, seizures during the first week are not to cause undo worry.

Of course this has impacted the family a ton. On the positive side, this epilepsy explains some of the strange behavior Fossen have exhibted for the past year or so. Sleepwalking, wetting pants, weird wiggling, etc. You’re never thankful for epilepsy, but answers do bring some peace – kind of.

If you want to learn more about seizures, go here.

This is an update on my 6 year old nephew Fossen who began having seizures yesterday. My first post is here. The seizures were determined to be grand mal seizures. The MRI showed no tumors or unusual brain issues. The fall back diagnosis is epilepsy. The eeg will be tomorrow.

We’re praying hard for good news and are grateful that there is not a tumor or someting worse than it is.

Fossen has 2 older sisters, Carly and Chloe. Chloe was the first to witness one of Fossen’s seizures. Naturally she was freaked out. I talked with her today over the phone and reassured her of her courage in responding how she did.

I am sure that I will keep updates right here on the blog.

My nephew is named Fossen and he is 6 years old. He is my brother’s son (some of you know Jay). Beginning yesterday (perhaps a while prior to), he has been having seizures. He collapses, shakes, turns blue in the lips, and remembers nothing. As of the writing of this post he is at St. Vincent’s hosptial near Indianapolis. He will get MRI, eeg, and a bunch of other kinds of tests I am sure in order to figure out what is happening.

No one needs this kind of thing in their life. When this kind of thing happens to children I just want to scream, “NO FAIR!!!”

Please, if you are a praying person, then pray for Fossen.

I have never been to Africa. I would like to go some day, but I have been saying that for 15 years and just have not found the right this and that to get there. However, I have many friends who have been to Africa, have lived in Africa, have had their hearts both broken and mended in Africa.

These friends of mine have seen with their own eyes the death that poverty inserts into the lives of it victims. Their heart yearns to crush poverty – poverty in every sense fo the word. Economic, emotional, educational, and spiritual poverty all need to go.

Well, these friends don’t live in Africa anymore, but their passions are no less strong. What many of them are involved in right now is an creative mission/business/educational effort that is aimed at extinsguishing poverty in Africa.

This effort is called the Kibo Group. Check out their website and see what they are all about. Who knows, you might just get taken by their passion and join in on their mission. You might even make it your mission.

Tonight at Solomon’s Porch, the gathering was devoted mostly to music and worship. This is great for two reasons:

1. They do not do enough of it during the regular gatherings.

2. My friend Josh Cleveland got to share a song he wrote.

Apparently, here is how it works at this church. There is weekly musicians’ meeting open to anyone with a gift or love for music. Josh, who has been the SP only a few times, shared a song at this weekly meeting of musicians. He was then, to his surprise, invited to share the song with the gathering.

This was a tret all the way around. For one, his song was good and he gave it to everyone there. josh had a venue to share his gifts with music. And he is a good singer with his Hootie and the Blowfish vocals and heartfelt lyrics.

Afterwards, I talked with my friend Luke Hawley, who was in town from Nebraska, and he said that being at Solomon’s Porch was like having been adopted since birth and the being reunited with your birth parents. All of the weirdness you felt with your adoptive parents finally made sense when you met your birth parents. Pretty cool analogy. Other comments from fitrst timers:

“This church makes me want to move to Minnesota.” Sarah

“I’m so glad their gathering is in the evening.” Tausha

We are slowly getting tom know a few people here and there and are enjoying it. I am seeking God for guidance as it all feels so insecure right now. But i can safely say, it was another good night at the Porch.

I am not sure how to describe the wedding of Caleb Hawley and Samantha O’Keefe besides saying that it was the best wedding have ever attended (let’s go ahead and factor out my own of course).

My wife and I arrived at the pavilion in Tartan Park, just east of St. Paul, Minnesota just in time. Picnic tables were covered in colored (looked dyed) paper, the band was off to the left and near the front, and it was packed. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I knew it would be different than any wedding I had ever been to before.

Caleb, you see, is an unpredictable musician whose mind is incapable of conforming to the world in which he lives. His sense of humor comes at you from Pluto and catches you off guard every time. Samantha has a vibrant and uninhibited personality and she can sing you right into a hypnotic state in about 4 seconds.

So, rather than Pachelbel’s Canon or some other traditional wedding music, this wedding got started off by the band: “Is everybody readyyyyyyyyyy?” It was like a call to worship and the crowd was ready.

There was a cheer and the band unleashed a great mix of classic rock and pop songs to send the wedding party down the aisle. Caleb and his father Dale walked down first to an uprorar of applause and cheers. They walked relaxed and looked like they were having a great deal of fun.

Then the next person in the order to go down the aisle was a boy of 12, perhaps. The music shifted to something almost Asian sounding on the electric guitar. When he walked, he had this look on his face that I had seen some place before, but just couldn’t place it. Then, about half way down the aisle, he starts moving his hands with some kind of martial arts ninja hand motions and then he treated us all to a few ninja kicks. He was applauded as well.

In fact, everyone walking down the aisle got theme music and generous applause. You have got to understand that there was no cue to applaud everyone. You couldn’t help youself.

“I Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” brought Samantha down the aisle. Everyone stood and applauded.

Dale, Caleb’s father, officiated the wedding, told some stories and did a fine job. The best thing he said was, “First, sing to each other.” As they will head off into the world of music (probably Nashville), they will need to keep this in mind.

Then it was time for the vows. Samantha lead caleb over to the place where the band was set up, grabbed the microphone and sang the vows song she had written. It was a perky pop jazz kind of sound with the band backing her up. In the middle of the song, she came down from the stage to where caleb was standing and said, “Dance with me,” and they danced. Cheers from everyone. Then she finished her song.

When her song was over, caleb took the mic and looked at the groomsmen who were decked out in charcoal grey shirts, pinstriped pants, suspenders and bright solid colored ties (they looked like a cool jazz band) and said, “Come on boys.”

They started a sort of Billy Joel “For the longest time” acappella backup singer sound as Caleb sang his vows. He interacted well with Samantha and his back up singers. At one point one of the back up singer began to sing words to the vows song and Caleb pushed him out of the way and said, “Hey, these are my vows.” Hilarious and well choreographed. Then, without notice or even reason, the song changed into a rap song in which Caleb found a way to fit the words, “ninja’s knife” into his vows. And somehow it was totally appropriate.

They exchanged rings. Somewhere in there we sang, “Holy, Holy, Holy.”Verse 1 was acappell a and the second two verses were instrumental with a funk guitar sound or something. I can’t really describe it, but it was very well done. They signed their marriage license in front of everyone and had official witnesses. Then they kissed – Caleb gave Samantha a dip and kissed her passionately. The band cranked up “Signed Sealed Delivered, I’m Yours,” and they came down the aisle.

Great live saxophone music during the meal. Upbeat and fun. Then, after the meal, the wedding party treated us to a choreographed performance with the band playing. You’ve never seen people having more fun in your whole life.

Thanks to Caleb and Samantha for being themselves and giving us so much joy on your wedding day. May you continue to do in your marriage and through your marriage what you did on your wedding day. God has given you both something that blesses many.

My childen have been great adjusting to the move to Minnesota from Arkansas. However, they have gotten into a a bad pattern. When I would say, “Sierra (or Canaan), would you please stop that?” Immediately following the request, the child would repeat the action. Then another request and another violation.

Naturally this is very frustrating for me as a parent. Not to mention that I am going stir crazy being home all day. So, last night came the stern talking to. I sat the kids down and told them what they were doing was disrespectful. “Canaan, when you pick up the cat and it is crying in pain because of the twisted angle of its backbone, you let it go, especailly if we ask you to let it go. Don’t keep grabbing and bending the cat. Sierra, when you hit your brother with a pillow and we ask you to stop, you stop. If you continue to disrespect us when we ask you to do something, then we will not allow you to bike or scooter ot watch TV.”

The wheels were turning.

Canaan said, “I don’t want to stop scootering, OK.” Canaan is easy. He learns the system and conforms to it. He knows where the power rests and when he knows the system, he finds a way to make it work to his advantage.

Sierra has another way of thinking about it. She’s more principled than pragmatic. She was not fully convinced that she was not in charge. She was frustrated. She did not agree to the deal. She left and pouted. Then she came back to conversation to explain why she was hitting her bother with a pillow.

“When my arms get going, they just keep going and I can’t stop them, they just go and go.” What’s this Pippi Longstocking?

“Well,” I responded, “you had better find a way to teach your arsm to stop because I’m still going to take your bike away if you keep hitting your brother.”

“I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong.”

“Well, I’m sure you know it now. Not obeying your parents is disrespect.”

Conversation over.

Later that night at the final tuck into bed I asked Sierra if she was mad. She pondered for a moment and said, “You’re getting warmer.”

“Super mad?”

“Even warmer. I’m mad and sad.”

“Well, you’re not in trouble, I am just telling you how it is going to be from now on.”

“I know.”

“I love you, punkin.”

“I love you too.”

Hugs and kisses.

Parenting is a challenge. I keep trying to do it right.

Now I know that following the “stern voice” as Sierra calls it, there needs to be lots and lots of affirmation and catching them doing things right. I know that I am not the only one going stir crazy. Discipline and correction cannot be the only arrows in a parent’s quiver. Correction is not synonymous with parenting. It is only a portion of it. Now I am tasked to even out the correction with affirmation. I love my kids and they need to know all sides of that love.

If you’ve been with me a long time, then you know that I had a stepfamily blog running at one time. I ended it for a number of reasons, but I am considering bringing it back to life.

The link is here. Let me know what you think.

For a person, a marriage, or an organization, one of the most important qualities to have in order to sustain is resilience. Yes, strength is good, but the ability to bounce back might even be more important.

Failure at one point or another is inevitable. The question of resiliency is, “what happens next?” Is the failure devastating? Does it prevent future efforts? Does it cripple? OR Does it inspire future effort? Can you, your marriage, or you organization brush itself off after a failure and move forward?

Resiliency also asks, “What is the meaning of failure?” If the meaning of failure is defeat then that will have implications for the future; however, if the failure means instruction, opportunity for creativity, or invitatin for a new direction or perhaps more effort, then that will also have implications for the future.

Facts are facts, but all facts are fair game for interpretation. People give meaning to facts. With every failure comes an opportunity for interpretation. Without the intentional effort to create a constructive meaning for failure, there is a high likelihood that a destructive meaning will be settled for.

So, resiliency is the ability for a person etc to bounce back from setbacks.

Much of the ability for bounceback lies in the ability to make a positive meaning out of apparently negative facts.

Define: Macaca

Scared to die? Get married and go to church.

Wanna get happy? Go here.

Are you bigorexic?

Radical Congruency might have a resource the answer (in part) my question.

Not going to your parent’s church? You’re not alone.

In less than 2 weeks I begin working as a Research Assistant at a major research univeristy. This will be a whole new world for me. Can’t wait to get into it.

I’ll be working with profs who are incredible researchers – an dpretty nice people, too.

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I have been hanging out at a church called Solomon’s Porch. It’s different on the surface and deeply from my Restoration roots, but there are many similarities.

Differences:

Setup in auditorium, instrumental worship, interactive sermon, baptism, decentralized information flow.

Similarities:

Bible based, seeking to be like Jesus, baptism by immersion, weekly communion.

From a theological perspective, there seems to be a lot more flexibility at Solomon’s Porch than at any of the churches I have attended in the past. Since SP is not part of a denomination and is not a church with a lot of years behind it, the flexibility does make some sense. The challenge for SP will be over the years. will it settle into an inflexible way of being. Time will tell.

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Public transit. I will ride the bus 4 days a week from the burbs to the city. I wanted to live in the city, but that just didn’t work out.

How do you know what God’s will is?

Does God micromanage every choice people make only allowing the illusion of choice?

Is there unbounded free will?

Is there limited free will?

How close is God and how far away is God?

How much of God is revealed in the Bible and how much is revealed in other ways?

What are those other ways?

Does God’s will work the same for everyone? (Moses got a burning bush with clear instruction)

If God did have a plan for your life, how would you (or have you) come to believe you know what it is?

How would you advise someone struggling with coming to know God’s desires or plans?

Where is God’s will when evil or sickness or disease wreak havoc in people’s live?

Following God is sometimes like following a sweet smell of unknown origin. You can’t see what it is you are attracted to. You know when it is getting stronger or weaker. If it smells good you will want to find what is making the smell. Sometimes you find it and sometines you don’t. Either way the smell was nice.

Following God is sometimes like following a good idea. You grab and search and “get it” every now and again. You massage the idea and it deepens. It is part invention and part discovery.

Following is sometimes like following a rainbow - undeniable beauty toward an unattainable end.

Following God is sometimes like a boring day in which nothing happens. All the forces of Hell that would be unleashed were held at bay and you never even knew.

Following God is sometimes like making sand castles on the beach at low tide.

Following God is sometimes like forgetting things.

Following God is sometimes like… (A little help here)

I live in the town where my father died.

Me and my family go to one church while my sister goes to another; we live in the same house.

I keep remembering how afraid I am of forgetting things. Dream about it every night.

My life is moving way too fast and way too slow.

My past 5 years in Arkansas were great, but I feel like I’m finally getting to exhale.

I feel the need to write something profound while my mind is blank.

I have no schedule and I still can’t find time to myself.

I’m a male heterosexual and it took me 8 months to find just the right pair of shoes.

I am about to begin doctoral work in the finest Family Science program in the nation and I fear that I have oversold myself and might not meet expectations.

Once the head stone goes up in the cemetary, there will be nothing left to do for my father. I hope they take their time.

I want closure more than any other thing, right up until the moment it is about to happen, then I want to wait.

I’m tired and I plan on staying awake for a while.

If you travel to Minnesota, your are going to be tempted to go to the Mall of America. And yes, you would have a good time there, but just 2.5 hours North on I-35 is treasure of a town named Duluth. Situated on a large hill descending down into Lake Superior, it is considered by some to be the San Francisco of the Midwest. Above is the lift bridge where ocean (yes ocean) ships arrive daily via the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence seaway. On the right is one of millions of beautiful places along Lake Superior.

If you do go to Duluth, you will want to get to know the city a bit. Take the brunch cruise on the Vista Star. It’s a 90 minute tour cruise with a delicious brunch. At $28 a head it is a steal. It not only gives a great view of the city of Duluth as it sprawls down the shore, it also tours the harbor and gives you a great view of where iron ore, various grains and coal arrive and leave.

When you work up the need for a cold treat, you will go to the Portland Malt Shop and to no other place. It can stand toe to toe with any and every malt shop in the world – period. And when you get hungry, you might be tempted to go to Red Lobster or one of the chain restaurants, but don’t. Go to the Lakeview Coffee Shop. It’s the only coffee shop I know of that serves grilled shrimp, wine, Mediterrainean Pizza, and of course, coffee. They will probably play Beatles music if there is no live music and you can just sit at a window seat and look over Lake Superior. Think ocean. It’s huge with waves and you can’t see across it. Watch the ocean cargo ships come in. If you’re lucky, you’ll see a 1000 footer.

If you go to Duluth and don’t hang out in Canal Park for at least  hours, you’re an idiot. In fact, you ought to just book your room at Hawthorn Suites. It’s a brick warehouse type building completely deone really cool. When you’re at Canal Park, you will buy something Minnesotan. Don’t resist, just let the Nordic flow take you away – u betcha.

You will also buy some chocolate that you won’t soon forget. You might want some coffee if the evening gets cool. Caribou Coffee might feel really Minnesotan, but go to the Blue Note Cafe instead. Odds are you’ll get some free live music, good coffee, and they’ll make you a meal if you want them to. They have very good raspberry hot chocolate if that is your thing.

It’s kind of surprising how many places have live music. Who thinks of Duluth as a music town? Well, people need to find this music treasure. The Bayfront Blues Festival in August will be a good intro to the music scene in Duluth.

Finally, the boardwalk. Beginning in Canal Park and ending miles up the shore, the boardwalk (which is well lit at night) extends along the rocky Lake Superior shoreline treating walkers to an indulgent view of Lake Superior. Want to get off that walk and get your feet wet? Go ahead. Throw some rocks in the water, wade in, heck, fish if you want to. The boardwalk has made miles of the shore even more accessible than before.

Want a great summer vacation? Duluth! 

I am unloading a bunch of books that are mostly good books. They are listed on Half.com. Some of them are not great books. All of them are priced to sell. Go and get you some books.

Click here to see my list.

More to be added later.

My buddy John Alan Turner has teamed up with Kenneth Boa to write a parenting book. It comes out in October. I was lucky enough to get the intro and chapter 1 forwarded to me.

I look at many parenting books with some skpeticism. They either tell you “the way” to parent or give you totally unrealistic stories and examples that end up being discouraging rather than helpful. Since I virtually know John Alan Turner and have concluded that he’s not an idiot, I figured he might go a little deeper than formulas. I also got a peak into what he’s thinking by reading his blog, which is something you should do as well.  

It was good and I believe takes on the topic of parenting where it should be taken on: with the parents. It’s too easy to be a child-centered parent and to be child-centered while trying to teach parenting. What that approach does is to assume either parents are always right in the way they lives their lives or assume that the parent’s character has nothing to do with the children. Parenting is about parents and how they deal with their kids, not about how kids need to be controlled.

I will buy this book becuase it promises to dig deeper than behavioral approaches to parenting. It’s not the behavioral techniques are all bad or cannot work, but if parenting is synonymous with children’s behavior modification, then we might as well buy us a robot or a pet and forget about having children.

This book promises to be thoughtful and useful at the same time. There appears to be some philosophy in it, but practical philosophy. Don’t let that scare you away. In fact, it should attract you because of the current philosophical shift occuring in America and in many parts of the globe right now will impact you and your children.

Anyway, order this book now and be rewarded in October when it is released.

Click here to get it.

I am not an expert on female sexuality, so don’t treat me like one or even quote me like I think I am one. I would also really like some women to voice their views here.

What I want to do here is explore some of the power dynamics of female sexuality.

There was a time when I believed that all women who were willing to be viewed or used sexually were victims of male objectification. The male was the complete perpetrator and the female was the complete victim. I no longer believe that this is always the case.

So, what am I doing here? Blaming women for the sins of men? Nope, not at all. What I am doing is trying to figure out what is going on inside this topic. Let’s start linear and simplistic.

Many men like to be enticed. Sexy women can get a lot out of a man with the promise that such enticement seems to give. When women discover this secret what they have done is discovered a source of power that they can assert over a man.

When a women learns of this power, she is then responsible to use it with wisdom and not abuse it. Now, this is a very hard message to even talk about to day because of dozens of reasons I won’t get into. So, I will compare it a man with great physical strength. He could us it to benefit a woman or anyone really or he could go around hurting people with it.

I wish I could end there and this topic be real simple, but I can’t. I am going to have to get circular and systemic.

What might motivate a women to use sexuality (through dress, nonverbals, promiscuity etc) to gain power? We could say that she is an evil person bent on destruction of others for her benefit. But then again that is too easy and, of course, rarely the case.

What if sex is the only onramp to power for many women? What if our culture affords women who make the “sexy” cut this one piece of power and few if any others? If that is the case, then there is an increased likelihood that more women will choose to accept the side-effects that come with selling out a little in order to reap the benefits of it.  

If this is true, then the meaning of sex and sexuality has frequently been reduced to a power game in which men and women alike make agreements to recieve the benefits of this mutual exploitation and the side-effects as well.

And what we have not addressed yet are women who do not make the “sexy” cut. They are either doomed to feeling worthless or fight really hard to find a way in which they can have some power, affirmation, or recognition.

So what we have are personal decisions within a societal context that provides limited options. We have a context that allows sex to be the easy out for women (and men if you read yesterday’s post) rather then keeping sex sacred.

OK, I’ve rambled too much already. What do you all think about this topic?

I am going to make gender generalizations in this post. I know I am doing that. Please don’t comment and tell me what I already know I am doing. Also, this is a post geared toward couples, but can be generalized beyond that  audience.

A single word or tone or facial expression can send a man into a hole so deep you’d have better luck finding Osama. A man’s ego is vulnerable, especially (but not exclusively) to a woman he finds value in, such that he could be crushed, even by accident. Crushed meaning he gets into a rut wherein he never accesses his emotions.

The very same ego that could be crushed by the tone of a woman’s voice, can also drive the man perform some of the most heroic, selfless, and bordering on miraculous acts ever imagined. It is this same ego that when faced with peril, impossibility, or certain doom, says, “Like Hell…” and runs into the flames.

The complexity comes when trying to understand how to deal with this incredibly powerful and sensitive force called the male ego. This has mystified women for centuries, and I suggest will continue to for centuries to come. It’s not as mystifying to the men themselves. It’s not that they have themselves figured out, but it is harder to know that there is mystery when you are the mystery.

For the women out there, I wish I could give you the key to the male ego. I can’t. But here are some guidelines.

1. Your efforts to control it, manipulate it, or co-opt it will fail in one of two ways. A) You will subdue the man and thus make him a worthless patsy (don’t badger him). B) You will piss him off and invite his power to be asserted upon you. Let me make a little point here. When a man does violence against a women, it is always his fault. What I am talking about is an unnecessary pattern that can lead to unnecessarilly inciting rage.

2. Affirmimg without partonizing is a tightrope act that is worth the effort to perfect. The male ego is fuled on affirmation. However, it must the right kind of affirmation. Like in the horrific and terryfying movie, How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, naming his penis a cutesy name like Pooky is not the kind of affirmation I am talking about. You are grateful for his efforts, amazed by his strength (whatever kind of strength he has), and perhaps even very subltly (a little hint of being) turned on by it.  

3. If you think the male ego is all about sex, you’re wrong. Sometimes sex is all a man has to fall back on because he has no other outlet for his expression of power – besides anger. When you find a man finding meaning in his work (though not workaholic), a passion for his art, a vision for his children (but not crazy sports dad), or something that engages his ability to matter, then is he going to want to have lots of sex? Of course he will still want that. However, since he has many outlets, there is a different meaning to the desire. He does not have to rely upon sex and sex alone for satisfaction in his life. Sex then can carry a healthy level of life satisfaction and love expression.

So, here’s the guideline: support your man’s outlet, even if you don’t like it (unless it’s immoral, illegal or unethical).   

Well, that’s enough for today. Tomorrow we’re going to talk about sexy women. Seriously.

Me: I can’t wait to meet everyone in this cool new doctoral program I am entering into. I get so excited meeting new people. The more people I meet the more energized I get.

Myself: Are you crazy? The last thing you need to do is meet a bunch people who are 10 times smarter than you and make a fool of yourself.

Me: Nah, you’re just scared.

Myself: Scared? Duh! I just left a good job doing what I know how to do best for something I don’t even think I can do. Sure, I wasn’t raking in the dough, but now I am taking out student loans to make ends meet.

Me: And a wise investment it is my friend.

I: Where did I put that…?

Me: Hey I, what are you doing?

I: I lost my daytimer again, have you seen it?

Myself: You see, dad was right, you couldn’t find your butt with both hands. What makes you think you could get a PhD?

I: I’m going to go look in the freezer, I haven’t checked there yet.

Me: If you will remember, Mr. Self-Defeatist, you never thought you could get a masters degree and you got it. You never thought you would get married and you scored a terrific wife. You thought you’d be a lousy father and you’re doing pretty good. What’s your deal, man?

Myself: This is different.

Me: How?

I:Oh look, “I Love Lucy” reruns on TVLand, the freezer can wait.

Myself: How can I know I can do something I’ve never done? I mean, it is possible that whatever good I have done was just luck.

Me: How have you done it in the past?

Myself: I told you, it was luck.

Me: Look, no one is that lucky. You dove in there and you figured it out. You learned the landscape and then walked it.

Myself: But what if I’ve hit my wall? You know, I’ve already gone as far as I can go?

I: Oh, you guys have got to see this. Lucy is on an assembly line and can’t keep up. This one is hilarious.

Myself: As I was saying, I might have maxed out on my ability.

Me: Maybe, but probably not. Look, you’re talking like you’re old or something. This is not the twilight of your days.

Myself: What if I fail?

Me: Now we’re getting somewhere.

Myself: Huh?

I: Laughing hysterically and holding his belly.

Me: Fear is your enemy, not inability. You believe failure is not something you can recover from. You think that if you fail it means the end. Failure and termination have nothing to do with each other. How will you even know what you can do unless you accomplish failure?

Myself: Accomplish failure? That’s a good one. Nice rah rah rah speech. You’re full of it.

Me: Oh so you don’t see any good in failure?

Myself: No, I most certainly do not.

Me: You’re a thief!

Myself: What the Hell are you talking about?

I: (Walking over to and opening the freezer) Now, what was it I was looking for - oh look, ice cream.

Me: You fear failure, so you avoid it at all costs.

Myself: And your point is…

Me: My point is that you don’t even know what you can do.

Myself: Wrongo! I know what I can do. I just spent 5 years doing it and now I’m launching into the unknown.

Me:Aha! You just said it. The “unknown.” You made my point. You seem to equate the unknown with failure while I equate it with opportunity.

Myself:Yeah, yeah, the glass is half empty or half full, I get it.

Me: You don’t get it, not in the least. If only you could get it.

Myself: No need to get all worked up.

Me: I’m just getting started!

Myself: Rolls eyes.

Me: Let’s get back to the “you are a thief” part. Since you are afraid of failure, you avoid it. And since you avoid failure, you have yet to learn the limits of your ability. Look at your track record. You have had success in just about everything you have ever done.

Myself: You’re right. Looks like my system works, doesn’t it?

Me: Not in the least. Success is an awful teacher. You’re like the guy who has ten million dollars in the bank and doesn’t know it because he’s afraid to check his balance for fear that it might be small. So, he lives on crumbs and never accesses his resources.

Myself: You’re making me mad.

Me: Only because I am right.

I: Guys, (yawn and stretch) I’m going to take a nap.  

Me: Look, there is so much potential in you that not risking failure is to rob yourself and frankly the world of something potentially great.

Myself: Or perhaps saving myself and the world from something disastrous.

Me: If you are so diluted to think that the world can’t recover from your failures, then fear of failure is not your greatest problem.

Myself: What’s that supposed to mean?    

Me: It means that you are narcissistic negative.

Myself: Huh?

Me: It means you think you have vast powers for the negative and no power for the positive. You’re exaggerated both ways.

Myself: But it keeps me safe.

Me: It keeps you blind and withholds the good that could be done for others. Do you really want to be held accountable for that?

Myself: Well…that’s not how I think about it.

Me: Well, wold you consider thinking about it more realistically?

Myself: (sigh) I guess.

I: (bursting out of a dead sleep)Guys! I just had this weird dream that I was schizophrenic. I have got to tell you all about it.

The headline on the front page of the Minneapolis newspaper was clear, Israelis had been reported moving into Lebanon. Not exactly a newsflash, right? What is a bit surreal is that this headline was lifted from a newspaper found in a deep, dark corner of my sister’s garage and the date on the paper is Sunday, June 6th, 1982.

Also in the news that day:

-University of Minnesota profs were not exaclty raking in the dough, with one prof making $18,353. He taught “the classics” whatever that means.

-Northwest airlines employees were striking. Hmm, that sound familiar.

-My mutual fund didn’t exist.

-Some money market funds were yielding 13.68% Cripes! My paypal money market fund (with $1.00 in it) yields 5.02% and I think I’m hot stuff.

-Dow Jones was a stellar 814.97

-Preacher Jed Smock preached to students at the University of Minnesota charging that they lead the Big Ten not in academics or athletics, but in “whores and whoremongering.” Students were apparently very entertained and came to see Preacher Smock in droves.

-Sophia Loren was released from prison.

-When Northwest employees were not on strike, you could get from Minneapolis to Omaha for $35.

-Iraqi jets bombed Iranian city of Ilam.

-”1.43 trillion dollar defense budget problem.”

-”Bush says arms plan cedibility a problem.”

-Huge glasses and huge women’s underwear were in vogue.

-Humphrey was a formidible political name.  

The rant in the previous post was a little over the top and deserves some balance – probably more than I am going to give it here.

The American church is not lost. There is hope. The hope, however, is not so much found in the denominational structure of church organizations, but rather in the hearts and minds of the people making up those churches and denominations and using those structures for accomplishing the mission of God.

Katrina relief is a terrific example. When churches and denominations gave of their time and money and other resources, they gave along denominational lines in large measure, but then again, there was a huge willingness to cross those lines and serve together. Had there been no organizational structures in place, then the aid would not have moved nearly as fast or efficiently. One year later, churches are still teaming up to house clean up crews and weekend mission relief teams and keep help moving.

I guess my point with all of that is not that the structure is bad, but that it is a bad master. When it is used to serve the mission, then it is good, but when it becomes the mission, then it is bad.

THw size of the group or organization has a lot to do with it. When groups become large, more organization is required. However, there is a consuming seduction that comes with size which draws attention from being used for the mission of God to maintaining the organization itself. Then there is the seduction of being important. Big starts to mean important and important is worth protecting and what’s worth protecting must be the mission.

When horses push carts, the whole thing gets messed up, direction is lost, and people get hurt.

It should not take Hurricane Katrina, 9-11, or a tsunami for the church to find its mission. And thankfully, many are not waiting. Yes, repsond to disaster and the destruction of terror, but don’t wait around for it to happen. Get active locally, in the flow of everyday life. Rick Warren once said that when a church gets bigger it must get smaller. That’s the place where Jesus and the church come together.

I am quite confident that Jesus would not forsake the church, but it is the inverse of this relational formula that I am not so certain of. Would the church ever forsake Jesus? Has the church forsaken Jesus?

What I have experienced in fundamental (and much of evangelical) Christianity is a complete reboot of the group of religious leaders most criticized by Jesus – the Pharisees. At the same time, what I have observed from afar in mainline and liberal Christianity is a reboot of another highly criticized group by Jesus – the Saducees. The Pharisees built rules to govern their externals and thought it did them good. The Sadducees shacked up with their culture a little too much and thought that it did them some good. Neither were regarded with much favor in the eyes of Jesus. 

Instead, Jesus intentionally did good that made the conservatives’ and liberals’ good look bad. He found a way to break the spell so may people in that day knew they were under, but didn’t know what else to do. Either ravaged with guilt in their sin (of self-righteousness in their keeping of the rules) or intimately dancing a tango with culture, there only seemed like two alternatives. This might sound familir religiously or even politically.

Has the church left Jesus? Is the church (in America) so many points removed from Jesus that the name is all that remains? If all things American (customs, social interactions, rituals, expectations, entertainment requirements, comfort requirements, consumer mentality etc)were removed from the American church, would anything remain?

Maybe I am on some kind of cynical roll tonight, but that does not make the question irrelevant.

OK, let me push it a little farther: I am not asking if the church is straying a little bit. I am asking if it is so far gone that there needs to be a complete redo. Is the thing Jesus had in mind remotely similar to what we have on our hands today in the American church? If Jesus entered into any church in America today, in whatever its most recognizable form is, would he even know it to be a church? Would he say, “Ah, yes, church as it was meant to be.” I’m not so sure about that one.

I think sometimes that the church is like the husband who really likes what his wife does for him at home, but at the same time really likes how his girlfriend gets him off at the hotel. How long can that arrangement really last? Frankly, from what I have witnessed in my therapy practice, girlfriends are often a lot more jealous of the wife than the other way around. There will be a point of choosing one or the other.

I do not hold out hold for a perfect church – the odds of such a thing are so small I don’t have even one egg for that basket. At the same time, a church willing to be perfected, cleansed, humbled, shaped, educated, exdperienced into something useful is going to make great strides in making Jesus look like someone attractive and meaningful rather than a political opportunist or a cultural pansy.

I want to the see the American church become more concerned with goodness than denominational integrity, ready to team up to deliver food and medicine rather than turf wars and doctrinal squabbles, to explore theology as a community rather than serve up theology for consumption, to model marriage, family, and friendship in attractive ways rather than dogmatic ways or ways inditinguishable from the worst of culture. I want a church that won’t settle for politics and won’t avoid it at the same time.

In short, I want to be part of a church that has not left Jesus.

Iran will continue to enrich uranium, hounded by, but not intervened upon, by the U.N.

Iraq will ask the U.S. to leave within 24 months and the U.S will reluctanly leave with the new president no matter who it is.

Within 18 months from that point (or when Iran has “the bomb”), Iran will invade Iraq.

The war with Israel, which will have been toggling between hot and warm, will simulataneously expand as part of Iran’s invasion of Iraq.

That expansion will pressure the U.S. to engage directly.

WWIII.

OR

Please insert your thoughts here:

I attended Solomon’s Porch once again this Sunday. My children joined, but my wife did not (not feeling well). It was very good and inviting once again. How strange it is that all of the familiar elements are present, but the atmosphere is almost reverse of “normal” church.

What I love most is the interactive nature of the gathering. I get to talk and listen. I get to talk to more than one person and listen to more than one person. There are actual conversations going on. You get the sense that something is being created while you’re there and you have a little something to do with the creation. It’s not all sealed up Friday evening in the pastor’s office and unpackaged neatly Sunday morning.

Yes, there is obviously intentionality and purposefulness, but there is room for input, even if no one agrees with it.

This Sunday began a series on the book of Joshua. Pretty gutsy topic considering the war between Israel and Hezbollah taking place in Lebanon right now. Think about it – the book of Joshua chronicles how the Israellites slaughtered every man, woman, and child in many towns on the very same patch of land where war is breaking out right now. 

Joshua is probably the most difficult book in the Bible for me, so I am very pleased that we are taking this direction. Today’s approach gave a sort of promise that nothing is off limits for conversation during the ”sermon” over the next few weeks. 

On another note, when we left, my kids begged for more. They didn’t want to leave. That is a good sign. 

On another other note, thusfar no one from my former Minnesota church where I served as a youth minister has contacted me. They may not know that I have hit ground yet, but as the time draws near I am sure I wil hear from a few. For most of them, it’s not a big deal since they probably believe I am merely going to another Church of Christ in town. However, there will be calls and curiosity will emerge at some point. Those will be good and challenging conversations. I don’t expect any rudeness or anger. Rather, I suspect there will be a few who feel sorry for me that I am straying, but at the same time will take assurance that I was baptized correctly. Curious, but probably pretty accurate.   

My 6 year old son, Canaan, lost his first tooth this week. You’d think he’d hit the game winnning walk off home run in the World Series. He was pumped.

My 8 year old daughter, Sierra, has lost multiple teeth and has learned the true identity of the Tooth Fairy – Dad.

Sierra was dying to assist in the ruse, so I worked up a plan to involve her as my Tooth fairy accomplice. 

I placed the tooth in a ziplock baggie, just like we always did with Sierra’s teeth, and placed it under Canaan’s pillow. He was so excited – so was Sierra. The plan was for Sierra to stay awake in bed pretending to be asleep. Then I would enter the room with 2 quarters (I’m a pretty cheap Tooth Fairy) for the hand off and she would do the rest.

So, at what seemed like plenty of time for Canaan to go to sleep (usually takes him about 9 seconds to be snoring) I entered the room for the hand off. Now, you need to know that since we began living at my sister’s house, my kids are sharing sleeping quarters.

I quietly opened the door and Sierra looked up from the covers, but Canaan remained silent and appeared to be fast asleep. I took one step in and handed the quarters to Sierra and said something sinister like, “You know what to do.” She nodded knowingly.

Then, without warning, Canaan burst from under the covers with the single greatest now-I-caught-YOU-with-YOUR-hand-in-the-cookie-jar look that I have ever seen.

BUSTED!

The first of 20 teeth and the jig is up. What fun.

So what do you think? Does Canaan get money for the rest of his teeth since he busted the Tooth Fairy?

I stood up front in the church sanctuary awaiting that moment in time when I would see the beauty I had long awaited. At last, the music changed, the door opened in the rear of the sanctuary, and the beauty of my life appeared, backlit with radiant sunlight. Beyond angelic, she walked down the aisle, escorted by her father, toward me. Overwhelmed with emotion, excitement, and desire, I wrestled tears of anticipation and near disbelief that I was actually caught up in such a wonder.

Then her hand went from her father’s to mine. I was holding beauty’s hand. We stared at each other, vowed to each other, and kissed each other. Then we left everyone else behind to discover the wonders of each other.

Ten years later, the discovery continues. This has been a decade of delight.

Me and my family attended the baptism service at Solomon’s Porch Sunday. At beautiful Minnehaha Falla, we witnessed 9 people commit their lives to Jesus Christ. One couple getting married next month did a simulataneous baptism. There was one infant baptism (interesting) by sprinkling and the rest by immersion.  

I’ve got my views on baptism and I was a little uncomfortable with some of what went on, but what I did like was the lack of regimented and required language hoops to jump through. It forced me to stretch and affirm these people’s baptisms. It was a beautiful thing.

If you are in the “baptism is essential to salvation because it is the exact point in time when a person goes from Hellbound to Heavenbound” crowd, you would have had major issues with this baptism service. However, if baptism is more like joining Christ in the life of the Kingdom of God and identifying with Jeuss in his death, buriel and resuirrention, then this was a good thing.

I liked the full immersion (except of course for the baby) because I think the symbolism really gets lost in sprinkling.

I liked just how public these baptisms were. It was in a very popular and crowded park with a river flowing through it. Half of the people within viewing distance of the baptisms were just people out at the park. It might have been weird to them, but at the same time, it didn’t take some kind of cult’like ritual effect either. It was just plain good.

Don’t know for sure if we’ll end up joining the community at Solomon’s Porch, but I will say that they gave my wife and I (both introverts) a very good impression.

Well, the week in Northern Minnesota was very much like a July week in Abilene, except for the desert, the lake, the forest, and the great fishing. OK, only the heat was like Abilene, but many is it hot up here. 102 is expected on Monday.

It was healing indeed. I am grateful for the beuty of Northern Minnesota and want to tak e full advantage of it every single season of the year including Winter.

We’re up to our ears in boxes at my sister’s suburban home here in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul). We’ll be living at my sister’s for a while since we lost our shirts let our house go for a great price. She’s fine with it and doesn’t mind a little rental income. Most importantly, my wife is OK and finding ways to adjust. The kids get to see their Auntie Amy daily, so this is dream come true for them. And me, well, what can I say but, “Where’s the bus station?”

I’ll be riding public transit for the first time in my life. Not a bad deal in the Twin Cities via the University special. $62 per month to ride as much as I want – even the light rail train that goes here and there. I don’t even have to be trying to get to the university to get the deal. We’ll see how the ride is before I start falling in love with public transit.

Peace, more blogging coming up. Thanks for all the well-wishing. It means a lot to me.

I am safe and sound in Minnesota. One week in the North woods near Canada will heal me.

By this time tomorrow, I will be driving one of these loaded to the gils with my stuff. I’m Minnesota bound. This trip is an emotional one for me. I am leaving people I love and a place I have grown to love to return to my homeland (not Mexico, Minnesota) that I love do deeply.

I wonder if I will have re-entry shock a little. I get into habits which reinforce familiarity and therefore secruity. I am entering unfamilar territory from a neighborhood, economic, and relational perspective.

Blogging will be sporadic for the next month or so. Not a problem for you smart people with feed reading services like bloglines. However, for you web 1.0 people who keep typing in my blog address or keeping linking from your own blog to see if I have anything here – BLOGLINES!!!!!!!!!!! 

Look, you can have all your stupid clichés and quote your pithy philosophical garbage all you want, I’ve got one place and one place only that I go when I am in trouble. That place is to God.  Here is may favorite one of your lame songs; this one makes me laugh.

We’re sittin’ ducks;

The flock must fly, or we’re gonna die, 

We’re sittin’ ducks;

Hunter’s gotta gun, so we gotta run, 

We’re sitting ducks;

Let’s fly the coop or we’re duck soup.  

Go ahead, sing your depressing songs. I have confidence that God is going to make things right. He sees everything going on here. This current mess we’re in is no surprise to the God I know. The god you know, well, I’m not so sure.

The God I know is looking at us all, and not just on the outside. He’s zeroed in on what I think and feel, not just what I do. He’s doing the same thing with you. When he finds good things going on on the inside, he saves it all up, but when he finds a bad apple, he pitches it into the burn heap.

Look, this might sound harsh, but think about it, rotten always spreads to make more rotten, not the other way around. It is for the sake of the good that he chunks the bad.

All you need to do is to get goodness into your heart and then you’ve got nothing to worry about. Then you’ll be able to look God in the eye and not be afraid of anything.  

In this time of transition, unrest, and transformation in the Christian world, conversation is necessary. In fact, it’s necessary at all times. However, conversation alone is not enough. When it comes to mission, sometimes the words get in the way. Sometimes we get to talking when we need to be doing something.

Truth is, all behavior is communication. So, what does it say when all a person does is talk (or blog)? Sooner or later, people who are all talk become known for their talk, and not for anything else. They are not reliable doers. Oh yes, you can get their opinion, analysis, angle, insight and so forth, but you might not get their butts off the chair at the coffee shop.

For all of its very convincing rhetoric, the emerging church will fall flat if it provides only good conversations. More and more speaking must be done with action, with mission, with compassion.

Emergent wil become more convincing and more influential the more missional it becomes.

Psychotherapy As Religion might prove to be an informative read.

Dr. King not right model for Black clergy? Postmodern Negro talks about it.

A little something on emergent.

Argenteen and I move on the same day. Weird.

Sivin Kit blogs about another tsunami.

Funny emerging church comic.

Depressed? Anxiety ridden? Going freakin’ nuts? Sing.

Here are some post-emergent rumblings.

Using art (visual, performing, literary etc) as a means by which to convey the story of God is not merely a neat way to reach out to people who are traditionally marginalized in the church, it is essential to Christianity. Although there is some good sentiment in the idea of reaching out and broadening the tent, the value of art goes a lot deeper and is much more necessary for the survival of Christianity. Art as outreach only is like serving coffee at your church because there are people in the world who drink coffee, but no one in your church really likes coffee. They tolerate coffee because they heard about a coffee ministry at a conference in California. Art is far more essential and critical to the survival of the church.

It is essential for the survival of Christianity for the story to be told. However, when the same old ways of telling the story (which is ripe with hope) with the same old language no longer flows, but rather gets backed up in communication process, a sort of constipation occurs in which there is still a lot of input, but there is no real positive result. As with severe constipation, when the system is backed up for too long, there is real danger for damage.

Art, in its various forms, offers something to the Christian community that it desperately needs for its own survival: a laxative.

Art (good art) has a way of bypassing preloaded objections that have been programmed into the sender and receiver. Art freshens the stale packaging tha