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More on Grief June 20, 2006

Posted by fajita in family, Grief.
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There are times when the experience of grief is overt – crying, anxiety, sense of dread. But then there is the experience of grief that is under the radar. Sluggishness, both emotionally and physically, the sense of "I don't want to do that" or "I can't do that anymore" that aren't really in the thought realm, but more so residing in the underbelly of the heart.

Sometimes grief can feel like walking through a poorly lit meat locker, with huge beef quarters hanging frozen on hooks. You can move them if you push them, but then they swing right back with equal force. You can't just move them, you have to move yourself as well. And therein lies the rub. It is hard enough to move the world around you, but to move oneself is the chore of grief.

It is not that the grieved needs to grab those boot straps and start tugging, but rather the grieved need to be satisfied to sit in the meat locker for a spell. The cold will do you some good.

It is important while grieving to be aware that there are not only the obvious"symptoms" of grief, but there are also hidden or surprise "symptoms" as well. The grieved need ample permission (from themselves and those around them) to feel whatever, whenever. There is no set path for grief and there is no timetable. There are only some common ingredients (and then there are those unique ingredients, too) that can be expected at some point along the way. And "the way," is the rest of your life.

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Comments»

1. Jeanna (Beaner) - June 20, 2006

I am very thankful that I had friends around me who understood & gave me the “OK” to grieve over the loss of a sinful relationship. I was in the wrong, and I was moving forward with my marriage, but there was a loss that was much like a death – but not. Very confusing emotions, feelings & thoughts. Sometimes only a counselor will do – as I’m sure you understand. And you’re right – there is NO set timetable for grief, just a journey through it.

2. David Underwood - June 20, 2006

Great post, bro! Hope you have a good summer!

DU

P.S. Are you coming to Searcy any time soon?

3. fajita - June 20, 2006

DU, I do not think I will be back to Searcy before I move. Got much to do before heading north.

 I've been thinking about grief today. Grief is unavoidable. There will always be something to grieve. Sooner or later, it is going to be entered into. Deaber, I am thinking about you today. The kind of grief you speak of is difficult to share because there is a sense (from what you've written anyway) that you are not entitled to it. However, there it is. I am glad to know that you were permitted in some safe contexts to let it out.


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